


Dating Disasters

by y_vaine



Category: Rise (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Double Dating, Happy Ending, High School, Language of Flowers, M/M, Mild Language, Misunderstandings, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Siremy, Slow Burn-ish, Some Fluff, Sort Of, its like one chapter im shoving in the middle of this fic, jealous!simon, kinda angsty
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 05:02:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 24,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14561439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/y_vaine/pseuds/y_vaine
Summary: There are two things that Simon is sure about.One: He’s falling for Jeremy Travers. Hard.Two: He has no clue how to handle it.Simon’s life is a huge mess right now.*some scenes are from the show but may have been altered*





	1. Beautiful Distaster

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: characters are not mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and his double date with Anabelle, Lilette, and Robbie crash Jeremy's dinner

Jeremy opened the door to the dinner and stepped inside. Glancing around he found the last empty table near the front and walked over to settle in a seat. 

It wasn’t long before a waitress appeared asking, “Can I get you anything to drink?” She handed him a menu and he quickly scanned the options before settling on a coke.

“I’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menu.”

“Thanks.”

Jeremy sighed, staring off into the distance. He didn’t really need the menu, he’d eaten here a hundred times before. Instead he let his thoughts wander, they settled on the one thing he shouldn’t be thinking about. Simon Saunders.

The boy had been consuming his thoughts for weeks now.

Every time Jeremy laid eyes on him, his heart stuttered in his chest.

Every time Jeremy heard him laugh, his breathe caught in his lungs.

Every time Jeremy caught him sneaking a glance at him, his crush would grow.

Every time Jeremy would start to get close to him, Simon would push him away. Hard.

How many times are you willing to be rejected before you give up?

Jeremy snorted disparagingly at himself. He needed to let it go. Simon was straight or at least pretending to be. Even if he kissed Jeremy back like Simon was thirsty and Jeremy’s lips where the oasis in the desert. Jeremy huffed. More like forbidden fruit with the way Simon ran off after.

He gave his head a slight shake, trying to dislodge the image of Simon staring at his lips. He really needed to let it go, let Simon go. But every time he resolved to do so, Simon would give him a look that completely melted him.

Jeremy let out another sigh, he was a complete marshmallow where that boy was concerned.

“Jeremy?”

He was startled out of his thoughts by a familiar voice. Lilette, Robbie, Anabelle, and Simon were standing near his table. The latter was shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“Uh, hey guys,” he attempted a smile but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Sorry to bother you, but it looks like all the tables are taken. Would you mind if we joined you?”

Jeremy swallowed thickly, he knew what they were doing here. Lilette and Anabelle had been talking about it all week. There was no way Jeremy could sit and watch the guy he was slowly falling in love with, out on a double date with his best friend and his girlfriend.

“Here take mine, I can find somewhere else,” Jeremy offered. He just wanted to get away from the boy who still hadn’t looked at him.

“Don’t be silly! There’s plenty of room for everyone,” Anabelle chimed in as she took the seat across from him.

“N-No, it’s okay. I don’t want to ruin your date.” I don’t want a front row seat to you and Simon acting like a couple in love, he thought.

“Look man we don’t want to kick you out and steal your table,” Robbie said. “How about we share?”

“We wouldn’t be able to enjoy ourselves knowing we ran you off,” Lilette smiled at him.

“It’s okay. Really. I’m fine.” he murmured. He started to make his way around the table to leave when a warm hand reached out to touch his elbow. Jeremy looked up into the eyes of the boy who haunts his every waking thought.

“Stay.”

One word. That’s all it takes. One word and all of Jeremy’s resolve starts to crumble. He finds himself nodding and moving back to his seat.

Lilette and Robbie took the remaining seats while Simon asked a nearby table if he could have their empty chair. He placed it at the head of the table, sitting between Jeremy and Anabelle.

The waitress walked over with his drink and menus, “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were waiting for friends.” She handed out the menus and asked after drinks.

As the group looked over their choices, Jeremy snuck a glance at Simon. The boy was already looking at him and Jeremy’s heart skipped a beat at the uncertainty he saw swimming in the dark depths.

He smiled reassuringly at him, which Simon attempted to return.

Tonight was going to be a disaster, Jeremy couldn’t help thinking.


	2. Double Date Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is in a double date with his best friend and her boyfriend Robbie.
> 
> Everything is going pretty good except for one tiny little detail... Simon doesn’t know who his date is!
> 
> Is it his girlfriend Anabelle or Jeremy, the boy who turns him inside out?

“Psst, Lilette,” Robbie leaned in close across the table, giving the couple(s)? down the table a glance.

“Yes?” Lilette leaned in and followed his line of sight.

“Who exactly is Simon on a date with?” he pauses, taking in the trio, “Anabelle or Jeremy?”

Lilette takes a moment to study her best friend and his companions before whispering, “Honestly? I’m not sure.”

Robbie grinned, “Who would’ve thought Simon was such a player?”

Lilette looks troubled for a moment before saying, “I think he’s just trying to figure things out.”

“Do you think he’ll kiss them both goodnight?” Robbie joked.

She snorts, “Ew, I don’t want to think about my best friend kissing anyone!”

 

\------

 

Simon’s nerves where completely shot. Trying to pay attention to his girlfriend, when just the presence of the boy next to him was like a physical pull demanding that he only look at Jeremy, was impossible.

It was no surprise that he fumbled his silverware and was bent under the table just so he could get a break from those two.

What was surprising was what he say while under the table. Simon could feel a snort building in his chest, threatening to escape.

He glanced again at the slender, feminine foot as it slowly skimmed its way up Jeremy’s calf. Simon struggled to swallow his laugh as Jeremy’s larger foot nudged playfully at Anabelle’s other foot.

They. Where. Playing. Footsie.

That explained a lot about the flirty looks they kept sending his way.

“Simon, you okay down there,” Anabelle asked.

Startled Simon jumped, banging his head on the underside of the table. Wincing he came up, holding his fork, and rubbing the back of his head. “Yeah. The, uh, fork was pretty far away.”

“Are you okay,” Jeremy asked, his hand reaching out to run through Simon’s hair. “Here let me check for a bump.”

His touch was gentle, Simon’s breath caught, and his eyes closed briefly.

“Oh, Simon that must’ve hurt,” Anabelle cried as she reached out her hand to smooth Simon’s bangs back into place. “Here let me give you a kiss.”

Simon felt Jeremy’s hand still before he snatched it back as if burned. His body cried out for those gentle fingers combing through his hair. He swallowed a silent protest at the loss.

Simon forced a chuckle as he subtly moved away from her reach, “I’m fine Anabelle.”

He glanced down the table to Lilette, who looked back with a mixture of concern and amusement. “We need to talk,” she mouthed.

“I need to go to the restroom,” Simon announced to the room. Snickers from the surrounding tables had Simon jumping up from the table and refusing to meet the eyes of his companions. “Lilette,” he asked with a flush.

“You want me to go to the bathroom with you,” she deadpanned.

Robbie smothered a chuckle behind his hand. Simon shot daggers at him, while Lilette kicked him under the table. Robbie winced but understood the message. He cleared his throat, “Anabelle, Jeremy. Did I ever tell you guys about the time…”

Simon took the opportunity to flee to the back of the restaurant with Lilette hot on his heels.

 

\------

 

“Alright, Saunders, spill. What is going on at that table,” Lilette demanded.

Simon began to fidget, not meeting her eyes. “I have no idea what you mean,” he lied.

Lilette let out a huff and tried again, “Simon, your my best friend and I love you, but do not lie to me again.”

Simon looked up helplessly at her. “Talk to me,” she pleaded. He swallowed hard and looked around nervously. She allowed him a few minutes of silence as he contemplated how much he was ready to share.

She knew him better than he knew himself, if anyone would be understanding about what he was going through it would be Lilette. So why was it so hard to be honest with her?

Suddenly their table erupted in laughter, causing Simon to jump out of his skin. He looked back at the table and his breath caught at the sight of Jeremy’s face. Happy, carefree, laughing. He was stunning.

As if Jeremy could feel his eyes on him, he looked over at Simon and gave him a sweet smile. It did things to Simon, that smile. His heart felt like it would burst from his chest.

His gaze moved over to Anabelle and he felt his insides begin to knot. Not exactly the feeling his girlfriend should inspire in him.

“Simon?”

Pulled from his thoughts he looked back at Lilette, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Oh, Simon,” Lilette reached for his hand and gave him a reassuring squeeze. “What is it you want?”

“I,” he glanced quickly at their table and back before whispering, “I don’t know.”

Lilette hummed to herself for a moment before saying slowly, “I think if your immediate answer isn’t Anabelle, your girlfriend, then you already know what you want.”

She spoke gently, reassuringly, but that didn’t stoop the anxiety from taking hold of him.

He began to tremble and sputter, “No, I-I…no, I can’t. You know I can’t.” Fear was crawling up his spine and his heart stuttered in his chest, cold sweat began to bead on his upper lip.

“Shh…,” Lilette embraced him. Trying to calm him. “Just breather, Simon, it’s only me here. I would never do anything to hurt you.” She smoothed her hands down his back and hugged him tightly.

Simon closed his eyes, leaned into her small frame, and gulped down air. He focused on his breathing, calming himself little by little. Just breathe.

“Okay,” Simon pulled back slowly. “I’m okay.”

“How often are you having panic attacks,” she asked, her eyes full of concern.

Simon shrugged, “Sometimes I just feel a little overwhelmed.”

Lilette sighed, “We all get overwhelmed but you cant shut me out. Or your feelings.”

“But my family…”

“Your family will love you know matter what. Seriously, Simon, you cant live your life for your family.”

“They would never understand…”

“They don’t have to understand, they just have to want you to be happy.”

“I don’t know what make me happy.”

“I think you do. Don’t keep running from this. These panic attacks… you’ll just keep having them.”

Simon let out a deep breath. She was right, something would eventually have to give. He just wasn’t sure he was ready for that.

He gave her, what he hoped was a reassuring smile, “I’ll think about it.” Lilette looked ready to argue so he added, “I promise.”

Lilette studied his face for a moment, she must have found what she was looking for because she nodded before heading back to the table.

 

\------

 

Simon settled down in his seat, giving everyone a smile.

Jeremy leaned in catching Simon’s eye and asked quietly, “Are you okay?”

Simon opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Anabelle, “That’s Simon and Lilette for you. They just needed some bff talk.”

Jeremy ignored her and continued to look at Simon intently.

Simon blinked in surprise, Jeremy knew he wasn’t okay. Simon prided himself on being an excellent actor and up till now only one person has ever been able to see through his polite smiles. And she was sitting down the table from him with a small smile tugging at her lips as she looked between us.

He looked Jeremy in the eyes, something he normally tried to avoid, and muttered sincerely, “I’m okay now.”

Jeremy smiled and Simon tentatively returned it.

 

\------

 

Robbie cleared his throat and stood, “I think Lilette and I are ready to head out.” he threw down a couple of bills and said, “dinners on us guys. It was fun.”

Lilette was grinning shyly and when Simon raised an eyebrow at her, she blushed. “We’re… We thought we’d go run lines together,” she finished lamely.

Simon decided to let that go for now.

“We should probably get going too,” Simon stood and thanked Robbie for dinner.

Anabelle stood beside him with a giddy expression on her face. A look that caused Simon’s insides to twist violently.

Jeremy’s chair scrapped the floor as he got up, “Thanks for letting me crash your date. It was fun.” He looked like he was ready to throw up. Simon’s heart went out to him. “So, uh, I’ll see you guys on Monday,” he turned to leave with a chorus of goodbyes from the others.

“Goodnight, Jeremy,” Simon called out. Jeremy looked back briefly to give him a sad smile. That one small smile felt like a physical blow to his heart and Simon wanted nothing more than to run after him in that moment.

He felt a warm hand grasp his and he glanced at Anabelle. “You ready,” she asked waging her eyebrows at him.

The knot sitting I his guy tightened but he smiled through the pain. He was a professional actor after all.

“Sure, let’s get out of here.”

 

\------

 

Simon pulled his car into Anabelle’s drive way and put it in park. He looked at Anabelle and gave a nervous chuckle, “Let me get the door for you.”

He jumped out of the car and quickly made his way over to her side to let her out.

“You’re always such a gentleman,” she teased him.

Simon gave her a halfhearted smile, “That’s me.”

Anabelle slipped her hand into his as he walked her up to the door. “Do you want to come inside? Maybe run lines together,” she giggled.

Simon’s stomach plummeted to his feet at the though of what she was really asking.

“I-I can’t. I promised my parents that I’d be home early tonight. It’s family game night.”

Anabelle gave a little pout and ran her hands up his chest, to settle on his shoulders.

“Okay, I guess this is goodnight,” she leaned in for a kiss and Simon, in a panic, zipped around her lips to place a chaste kiss to her cheek.

“Goodnight.” Simon took a step back and started for his car.

“Call me,” she called after him.

Simon couldn’t run away fast enough.

 

\------

 

Simon didn’t bother with the lights as he threw himself on his bed and pulled out his phone.

He thought back to his conversation with Lilette. She was right, he had to stop running.

Maybe he could start with baby steps. One of those steps will have to be breaking up with Anabelle.

If tonight had taught him anything it was that he had to end things with her before she got too invested. He decided that was a problem he’d tackle on Monday. He needed to do it face to face, she deserved that much.

He scrolled through his phone book before stopping on a name. He shouldn’t, he knows he shouldn’t. It wasn’t right, nothing was settled with Anabelle yet.

His fingers didn’t seem to care as they pushed the call button and moved the phone to his ear.

Simon could barely hear the ringing over the thundering of his heartbeat. He could feel his anxiety levels rising with every unanswered ring.

“Hello?”

Simon’s heart stops, then kicks into high gear. Breathe. Relax.

“Simon?”

Inhale. Exhale. That’s it. A calm started to settle over him and he released a deep breath. Baby steps. “Uh, y-yeah. I…I was just checking that you made it home okay?”

“Yeah, I made it home okay,” there was a moment of silence before, “Um. Did you make it home or are you…?” Jeremy’s question trailed off but they both knew what he was really asking.

“No…No I’m home.”

“Cool.”

A few minutes passed in awkward silence, Simon cleared his throat and fidgeted on the bed.

Jeremy sighed, “I had a really good time tonight.”

Simon’s heart lurched in his chest, he felt heat spreading up his neck and into his cheeks. He glanced nervously around the dark room, before finally admitting, “Yeah, me too.”

Simon could hear Jeremy smiling down the line.

He settled on his bed more comfortably, finally feeling some of the tension leave his body at the admission, before he chuckled.

“What’s so funny,” Jeremy murmured, happily.

Simon thought back on his “date”, feeling a grin tug at the corner of his lips. “You know, that wasn’t my foot under the table…”

Jeremy chocked on a loud gasp and Simon felt a happy laugh bubbling up in his chest.

When Jeremy only squeaked out a few unintelligible words, Simon threw his head back and laughed. Really laughed, freely.

Nothing had ever felt so good.


	3. Sundays' Are A Complete Disaster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon wakes up happy Sunday morning, if not a little tired. Too bad it doesn't last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Papa Saunders is a dick, so be ready for that.

Simon woke up Sunday morning still feeling giddy from talking to Jeremy on the phone all night. The boy really knew how to make him laugh. Not to mention Jeremy’s sleep deprived voice sent shivers up and down Simon’s spine. Goosebumps rose on his arms as he imagined what Jeremy’s voice might sound like when he first wakes up, his hair sticking up on one side…

“Simon, are you up yet?”

The sound of his mothers voice broke through his thoughts and he sprung from bed as if he was caught doing an illegal act. His heart started to pound in his ears. “Y-yeah! Be down in a minute,” he called through the door.

Simon moved to his closet and threw the doors open wide, blindly grabbing a few items. He dressed quickly, finished his morning routine, and checked himself in the mirror. This will have to do. 

He went over to his bed to grab his phone and started down the stairs to meet his family, when he felt the phone buzz in his hand. He glanced at the screen and couldn’t suppress the smile on his lips as he continued down the stairs and into the kitchen.

 

Jeremy - Ugh, I just got a 7 am wake up call this morning. Kill me now.

 

Simon - lol same

 

“Who’s put that smile on your face so early in the morning, dear?”

Simon looked up from his phone and the “…” that had him holding an excited breathe at what Jeremy would say next, to take in his mom who was looking at him curiously. “Is it Anabelle?”

Simon felt a pang of guilt at the fact that it was not his girlfriend whom he was contemplating flirting with first thing in the morning but someone his parents would find wholly inappropriate to be putting such sappy smiles on their sons face. “Uh, no. Its just a friend of mine. Form theatre.”

“Oh.” She was silent for a moment before asking, “How are things with you two? Did you not enjoy your date with Lilette? You came home so early last night.”

Simon gulped, he hadn’t realized his parents had heard him come home. Better start laying down the ground work for the break up. “Uh, I’m not sure its going to work out between us.”

He wasn’t able to look her in the eyes and see the disappointment, they had been so thrilled when he had told them he had a girlfriend.

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry to hear that.” 

Simon’s phone buzzed again and Simon felt his insides begin to knot in panic instead of the excitement he felt just moments ago. Still, he couldn’t help but look at it instantly.

 

Jeremy - Since we were both woken up at the crack of dawn maybe we could hang out? Reminisce about what sleeping in is like?

 

Simon’s breath caught and he quickly shoved his unanswered phone into his pocket before his mother could read it.

“Uh, yeah it sucks, but at least this way I can focus more on my studies.” Simon knew it was a lame excuse but he could feel his anxiety levels ratcheting up a notch.

His mother looked at him for a moment before glancing at his pocket with his phone. Simon didn’t realize he had a protective hand covering it, he slowly lowered it.

“This friend of yours,” she started, “is that who you where on the phone with all night?”

Simon felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Did his mom have supersonic hearing or something?

“I-I,” he began to stutter, he could feel himself begin to sweat.

His mother interrupted his bumbling asking hesitantly, “Is this friend a boy?”

Simon began to tremble, it felt like the walls where starting to close in around him. His phone buzzed again from his pocket. His mind was spinning, he didn’t know how to answer her. She was going to tell his dad that he broke up with his girlfriend and spent all night on the phone with a boy. They were going to be so disappointed. They would hate him. They would never forgive him. Would they kick him out of the house? Keep his sister away from their tainted son?

“Simon?” his mother’s touch pulled him from his spiral into self loathing. “Are you okay, Sweetie?”

“Uh, yeah, I’m fine,” Simon said. He took a few deep breaths, refusing to meet his mothers concerned face.

“I asked if you’d want to invite your friend over sometime,” his mother said cautiously. “I’d like to meet them if that’s okay.”

This last sentence, the way his mother said it, had him locking eyes with his mother. All he could see was sincerity and understanding. Could she really know what this boy really meant to him?

Startled at the thought he squeaked out, “Jeremy?”

“Is that his name?”

Numbly he nodded his head in conformation. He couldn’t quite grasp what exactly was going on with this whole exchange. His mother just kept looking at him expectantly, like she was waiting for him to reveal the secrets of the universe. 

Simon gulped, he wasn’t ready for this. He’d barely excepted the truth last night. He couldn’t do this right now.

“Maybe you could invite him,” she started.

“Invite whom,” his father interrupted as he walked into the kitchen.

Simon stared blankly at his mother. What could he say? Hey Dad, can I invite this cute boy from school over for dinner and maybe take him up to my room for a little alone time?

“His theatre troupe,” his mother lied smoothly, “I was just thinking that we should host a little get together for the troupe. Show our support for Simon.”

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea. Its not like we actually support this.” 

“Well, I support Simon,” his mother shot back stubbornly. Her eyes clashed violently with Simon’s before she stated firmly, “No matter what.”

“Are we going to throw Simon a party,” his sister asked giddily. “That would be awesome.”

His father tore his gaze from his wife to glance at his daughter, bouncing around excitedly at the prospect of a party. “Do what you want,” he said stiffly before walking out the door.

His mother placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder before moving to follow her husband and daughter to the car.

Simon stood alone in the middle of the kitchen wondering what in the world just happened. Did his mother just lie to his father, something hes never seen his mother do in his 16 years of life. What was happening to his life?

His pocket buzzed with a reminder that he had an unread text. Simon removed his phone to read the unread message.

 

Jeremy - no pressure, its cool if your busy.

 

Simon re-read the message several more times, his heart clinching in his chest. Jeremy was giving him an out, taking some of the pressure off from last night. Simon’s fingers ached with the need to text him that he wanted nothing more than to go to him right this very second. Instead he typed out:

 

Simon - sorry, I’ve got church. running late. i’ll text you when i get home.

 

Jeremy - okay, cool. i’ll talk to you soon!

 

Simon sighed, tucked his phone back into his pocket, and headed for the car. He could already tell he wasn’t going to be able to pay attention during service.

 

\------

 

Church flew by quickly, probably because Simon spent the entire time fantasizing about blue eyes, sweet smiles, and masculine hands sliding their way into his own. 

It wasn’t until they where back in the car that Simon’s father spoke, “Did you see that new couple today?” Venom dripping from his mouth at the word ‘couple’. Before his wife could answer he continues, “I cant believe they would have the nerve to show up. The Church is a place of God. Disgusting!”

“They have a right to go to church too,” his wife answered diplomatically, “They shouldn’t be denied because you don’t agree with their lifestyle.”

This last bit pulled Simon from his daydream to listen to his parents.

His fathers lips twisted cruelly, “Well maybe they should find a church for their kind.” Simon’s heart began to speed up, he knew what his father meant by their kind.

His mother glanced at him out of the corner of her eye before looking back at her husband, “Our church is for everyone.”

“Well if I where in charge I wouldn’t let those unrepentant sinners within 100 feet of my church,” he spat. Simon glanced at his father in the rear view mirror, shocked to find him looking directly in Simon’s eyes as he continued, “Its unnatural and I don’t want it anywhere near my family.”

Simon’s throat constricted, and all he could hear is a buzzing in his ears that thankfully tuned out his parents as they continued to bicker about the gay couple that just joined the church.

Breathe Simon! Breathe. In. Out. In. Out. That’s it. Just breathe. Simon did his best to calm his racing heart and stave off the panic attack that was lurking around his darkening vision. But one thought kept swirling in his mind: 

He knows.

\------

Simon shut the door to his room quietly, walked stiffly over to his bed, and sat down slowly. He removed his phone from his pocket, but instead of feeling a rush of pleasure at Jeremy’s texting thread, all he felt was numb.

Simon had promised to text him after church, maybe even make plans to see each other. 

His thoughts returned to his father. He knew and he was warning Simon. Be good, be in the family. Cross the line and Simon would be cut off from them. He didn’t think his father would go so far as to kick him out, what would people think? But there were other ways to make his life miserable. 

Simon looked at the thread again before turning his phone off and letting it slide to the floor. He laid back on the bed and let the tears gathered in his eyes fall. He rolled over on his side as his body was wracked with sobs, hiding his face in his pillows. He mourned for the loss of the boy he never really had and now never could.

He’d never felt more like a coward.

\------

Jeremy spent all of Sunday waiting by the phone, giddy with the possibility of seeing Simon before Monday.

By noon, Jeremy was making excuses for Simon for why he hadn’t called yet. He probably went out to lunch with his family after church. Maybe they had some errands to do before coming home.

By late afternoon, Jeremy thought maybe Simon just forgot and sent him a text to touch base with the other boy.

By evening, Jeremy had to come to the conclusion that Simon wasn’t going to call. He never was.

He stared at his screen, trying to will those three little dots, that told you someone was writing a message, into existence. It didn’t work. Jeremy sighed, turned his phone off, and laid back on his bed.

He didn’t feel the first tear fall but it wasn’t long before he was curled up on his side, sobbing into his pillows. His heart crying out for the boy who kept rejecting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If your up to let me know what you think.


	4. Monday's Are Made For Skipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favorite kids take the day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter up, hope you enjoy it!

“Wow, Simon, you look like crap,” Lilette said as she took in Simon’s rumpled clothes and dark circles under his eyes. “What the hell did you do yesterday?”

Simon shrugged and hauled his backpack further up his shoulders. “Not much, didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.”

“Well, that’s no excuse for your sloppy sweater,” she joked.

Simon attempted to return the smile but it started to crumble around the edges.

Lilette gasped, “Hey, whats wrong?”

He shrugged again and refused to meet her eyes. She grabbed him by the hand and hauled him back to his car. “Get in, were going to my house. My moms already at work.”

“We’ve got school,” Simon said numbly. After he had cried all night, he felt completely wrung out. He felt nothing and he was glad for it. It would make breaking up with Anabelle easier. It would make facing Jeremy easier.

“Yeah, we’re skipping.”

“I-I cant skip,” Simon tried feebly to pull away from her, but she held on tight.

“We’re skipping,” she said determinedly. He knew that look, she wasn’t going to be talked out of it. He nodded and began walking with her back to the parking lot.

And if skipping prolonged his confrontation with Jeremy, all the better. He could feel his heart shattering into a million tiny pieces at the thought of seeing Jeremy again. Pieces he would never be able to put back together.

\------

“Hey, Jeremy, you okay,” Maashous asked. “You kinda look like hell.”

Jeremy knew he looked awful. That’s what happens when you spend the entire night crying over a boy that never liked you as more than a scene partner. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he muttered to the boy. Shutting his locker he turned to start heading towards his first class.

“You don’t look fine,” Maashous tried again, “If you want to talk about it…”

Jeremy paused to take in the boy next to him. Maashous’ curly hair flopped into the kindest eyes Jeremy had ever seen. The other boy was sweet, warm, approachable. So why did Jeremy only feel a warm friendship for him? Dark eyes flashed in his mind and Jeremy sighed. It would be so much easier if he could just move on from Simon. The boy had made it clear he wasn’t interested on more than one occasion.

“Jeremy?”

“I…I don’t think I can sum it up in the time it would take to walk to class,” he said as he started back to the class room.

Maashous put a hand on Jeremy’s arm pulling him to a stop, “Come on, I know someplace we can go.”

“You want to skip?”

Maashous just shrugged and began to walk in the opposite direction, leading the way out of the school building.

Jeremy stood still as he watched the other boy reach the door leading out and turned to look back, holding the door open for him. Jeremy slowly moved to follow. If skipping meant he could avoid Simon for one more day then he was all for that.

\------

Lilette ushered Simon into her apartment and gently shut the door behind her. “Come on, lets sit on the couch.”

Simon waked over and collapsed on the overstuffed sofa, Lilette sat gingerly beside him and reached out for him. She didn’t say anything else, just sat quietly and held his hand. It wasn’t long before he felt the tears he’d been holding back start to slowly slide down his cheeks. Lilette didn’t speak although he knew she saw his tears, she just squeezed his hand reassuringly. She was here, she loved him.

Simon took a deep breath before he began to speak. He told her everything. Kissing Jeremy in the school parking lot, how the other boy made him feel whenever Jeremy looked at him, the feelings that being in the show was bringing out in him, staying up all night on the phone giggling and flirting with Jeremy. When he told her about the conversation with his father in the car on Sunday, she gasped, “How could he say such a thing?”

He chuckled humorlessly, “Because he knows. He wont say it but he knows. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t want a son that-that’s...not normal.” Simon cursed himself, he couldn’t even say the word. He’d all but spelled it out to Lilette, she knew he was falling for Jeremy. Yet he still couldn’t bring himself to say the actual words, he was such a coward.

Simon felt a sharp pain as Lilette’s fist collided with his arm. “What the hell!”

“You are the most normal person I have ever met, Saunders,” she said vehemently. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

“You think this is easy for me? My whole life my parents have drilled into me whats right and wrong. And being…being that way is wrong. Its a sin. I’m a huge disappointment to them. My dad would rather I be miserable for the rest of my life then to be…”

Lilette sighed, “Look I cant tell you what to do. You’re going to have to figure out what you want, how you want to live your life. And it is your life Simon, not mine, not your dads. Just know that its your choice, no one has to know anything you don’t want them to know. I will always be there for you no matter what you decide. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, just enjoying each others company. Simon thought over everything Lilette had said. She was right, it was his life, but it just didn’t make it any easier going against everything that’s been ingrained into him since he was little. He sighed, “I cant just ignore everything I’ve been taught and skip off into the sunset with Jeremy. Its not that simple.”

“No its not but anything worth doing is always hard.” She paused before continuing, “Speaking of hard decisions… What are you going to do about Anabelle?”

Simon winced at the thought of his girlfriend, “We need to break up. When Jeremy asked me to study with him on a Saturday night I-I just panicked! And then at rehearsals he looked over at me and gave me this sappy smile, I lost it. Anabelle was sitting right there and I knew she liked me, at least a little,” he leaned back onto the couch, looking up at the ceiling before sighing, “I never should’ve asked her out.”

He felt a sharp pain in his arm as Lilette punched him, again. “Hey!”

“That’s for Anabelle,” she said lightly. “Seriously, though, you screwed up big time. I understand why you did it, but Anabelle is going to be crushed and she doesn’t deserve that.”

Simon groaned, “I know, I know… what do I do? I’ve never broken up with someone before.” He glanced over at his best friend hopefully, “You wouldn’t want to maybe do…”

Lilette snorted, “Not a chance, Saunders. You made this mess, you get to clean it up.”

“It was worth a shot,” he shrugged. “What am I going to say to her?”

“I guess you’ll have to decide how much you’re ready to tell her. Just… don’t keep stringing her along and be gentle when you do it.”

Simon nodded, “I’ll do it when I see her next.”

Lilette gave his hand a squeeze, “Good. And thank you for telling me about everything.” She pulled Simon into a hug, “I love you so much. Whenever you need to talk, I’m here. Even if its just to tell me how dreamy Jeremy is.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes at that last bit but hugged her back tightly, knowing that she would always have his back, “I love you too.” 

They stayed this way for a few minutes before a thought occurred to Simon, “Hey did I mention that my mom said I could throw a party for the troupe?”

Lilette pulled back quickly, “What? Why didn’t you tell me right away?”

Simon shrugged, “I think my mom was trying to protect me.”

“Tell me everything.”

After he recounted the conversation with his parents in the kitchen, they spent the next few hours planning for the party. Simon could feel his excitement growing, this was a perfect distraction from all of his problems. Nothing had truly been resolved. He still had to break up with Anabelle, he had no clue what he was going to do about Jeremy, and he still had to figure out what to do about his family. But he had his best friends support and that was at least one thing he didn’t have to worry about. It was all about the baby steps.

\------

Jeremy pulled into a parking spot in front of a local coffee shop and glanced at the boy sitting next to him, raising an eyebrow.

“What? This place is great,” Maashous said defensively.

Jeremy chuckled as he got out of the car, “Maashous the secret coffee shop lover.”

“Ha. Ha. Lets go get a table and then we can talk about what’s bothering you,” he said as he opened the door and stepped inside.

“Back again so soon Maashous,” the barista asked with a chuckle when they noticed the boys entering the shop.

“I’ll just have my usual,” he answered with a smile.

“And your friend? What can I get you,” the barista looked at Jeremy curiously.

“Uh, I-I’ll have what he’s having,” Jeremy gestured at Maashous.

“Coming up. Grab a seat and I’ll bring your order right out.”

What little humor Jeremy found in the idea of Maashous sitting around coffee shops for hours at a time quickly disappeared. He felt uneasy as he settled in the booth across from Maashous.

“So...,” Maashous said dragging out the ‘o’.

Jeremy shifted nervously in his seat. He wasn’t sure how much he should reveal about what happened over the weekend. Looked at the other boy across the table, assessing. Jeremy felt sure that he could trust Maashous not to gossip but…

“You look like you’ve been crying,” his soft voice cut through Jeremy’s thoughts, “is it something at home?”

Jeremy looked up into the other boys eyes, startled. He knew Maashous was currently living with the Mazzuchellis’ and that he was living in the lighting box in the auditorium before that. “No, it’s not that,” he said quickly.

“Oh, well, do you want to talk about it?”

Jeremy shrugged, “I-I don’t really know where to start.”

“You could try the beginning.”

“It’s not that simple,” Jeremy murmured.

Maashous nodded in understanding, “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you want. But if you ever do, whatever you say, it stays between us.”

Jeremy nodded, he knows he can trust Maashous but that didn’t stop his fingers from nervously drumming them on the table.

The clatter of dishes against the table startled Jeremy into jumping. “Sorry about that,” the barista chuckled as they set down two bowl sized cups of coffee and two plates of pastries. “Here you go boys,” they said before returning to their spot behind the counter.

The two boys sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying their coffee. There was no need for words, no pressure from Maashous to fill the silence. 

Jeremy started to speak before he realized he had decided to trust Maashous, “It wasn’t until I looked into his eyes. Really looked…”

Maashous hummed in understanding, listening as Jeremy told him everything. Rehearsals, the intense looks, the kiss. When he recounted Saturday night he couldn’t help but cringe, “I didn’t find out later that it was Anabelle rubbing her foot up my leg.”

Maashous, who up to this point had only been listening, was unable to suppress a chuckle, “So, let me get this straight, you played footsie with your crushes girlfriend?” He paused for a moment thinking, “And then you spent the rest of the night talking to him on the phone?”

Jeremy nodded, “I-I thought that we were getting closer but on Sunday he said he would text me, maybe make plans to meet up.” He looked off into the distance remembering how his elation had slowly turned to agony, “I never heard back from him.”

“I’m sorry,” Maashous said as he reached out and placed his hand on the other boy. “That’s why you look like you’ve been crying all night? Are you sure there wasn’t a misunderstanding?”

Jeremy scoffed, “I’m sure. When I didn’t hear back from him I tried texting. When that didn’t work, I tried calling. It went straight to voicemail.”

Maashous stared off into the distance, he seemed unsure of himself. “What is it,” Jeremy asked curiously.

“Do you remember when Simon was transferred to St. Francis?”

“How could I forget,” he said, “I never thought I’d see him again.”

Maashous nodded, “Around that time the Mazzuchellis’ and I were out playing football in the streets.” Jeremy gave him a confused look but nodded encouragingly for him to continue. 

“Simon’s mom showed up, she was really upset. I…,” he shrugged, “couldn’t help but overhear.”

Jeremy couldn’t help but be curious, “What did she want?”

“She said something along the lines of ‘I don’t care if you don’t believe in the same thing as me, but you have to believe in something.’ And I need to know what you believe in.” Maashous shifted uncomfortably before continuing, “She started to cry when Mr. Mazzu said ‘I believe in the kids that I teach. I believe in the truth. I believe in helping them to grow up in the sun and not in the shadows.’”

“I-I don’t understand.”

“I may have also overheard,” he said shyly, “Mr. Mazzu telling his wife about how he went over to the Saunders’ house to try and talk his parents out of sending him to a different school, even offered to tutor Simon and help with his collage applications…”

“You’re really good at eavesdropping,” Jeremy couldn’t help but observe.

“But,” Maashous continued, “according to his parents the real reason they were taking him out of the school was because of the show. Because Simon was playing a gay character with a love scene.”

Jeremy felt his heart crack a little as understanding dawned, “So you’re saying that his family doesn’t approve of homosexuality?” It didn’t take long for Jeremy to connect the dots. “They wouldn’t approve of him dating another guy,” he stated.

Maashous shook his head, “No, I don’t think they would.”

Jeremy couldn’t stop the sigh that slipped through his lips, “That…That would explain a lot about Simon actually.”

“Sounds like you guys need to have a real conversation.”

Jeremy could help but agree.

\------

Lou looked around the auditorium, confusion clouding his features. It appeared several cast members and his lighting designer didn’t show up for practice. He glanced over at Tracey and asked, “Lilette, Simon?”

Tracey shook her head, “No clue, I don’t think they showed up for school this morning. Maashous and Jeremy?”

Lou shrugged helplessly, “I know Maashous went to school this morning but I haven’t seen either of them all day.”

“So we have four of our kids skipping school, all at the same time,” Tracey asked dubiously

Lou looked out over the kids that where sitting restlessly in their chairs, a few of them had their phones out and typing furiously on them. Robbie glanced up to Lou and shook his head “no”. Lou looked at Anabelle, who seemed to be getting more and more agitated as she typed, before she huffed and stuffed her phone into her bag. He glanced down at his own phone when he felt the buzz of an incoming text.

 

Maashous - I have to skip rehearsals today. I’m sorry. I can explain tonight.

 

Lou frowned down at his screen before looking back at Tracey, “What the hell is going on?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, drop a comment to let me know what you think so far


	5. Tuesday Is The Perfect Day For Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon lets his jealousy get the best of him.  
> Anabelle isn't as oblivious as she seems.  
> Patricia gets a glimpse of a new side of her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Simon *long jumps face first in to conclusions* Saunders has arrived!
> 
> buckle up darlin' you've been warned.
> 
>  
> 
> *lyrics by Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You*

Simon spotted Anabelle at her locker and knew this might be the only time to get her alone so he could break up with her. He still wasn’t completely sure what he was going to do about his dad, he was pretty sure his mom would be on his side. He wasn’t sure how he was going to handle the whole Jeremy situation, except that he knew he wasn’t ready to give the boy up. But first things first.

 

He took a deep breath before stepping the final few steps to tap Anabelle on her shoulder. _Here goes nothing._ “Hey, Anabelle.”

 

She whirled around and gave him a bright smile that twisted his stomach into knots. She looked so happy to see him, this wasn’t going to be easy.

 

“Simon! Good morning. I haven’t heard from you since Saturday night. Are you okay? When you didn’t show up for school or answered my texts I figured you must have been really sick,” she said in a rush.

 

She seemed genuinely concerned and this made Simon’s stomach twist even more. He couldn’t even look at her, he felt so guilty. Instead he looked out past her shoulder, his breath catching at the beautiful boy several lockers down. Simon had to fight the urge to walk up to the guy, grab him, and never let go. The soft smile that was starting form at the corner of his lips quickly vanished as he realized Jeremy was laughing with a cute boy, who had his phone in his hand. The other guy seemed to be asking Jeremy a question. A question that resulted in Jeremy taking the boys phone and typing quickly on it before returning it.

 

Simon couldn’t swallow past the huge lump forming in his throat or hear anything except the blood rushing in his ears.

 

 “Did you get food poisoning or something? No way you’d miss rehearsals unless you where on your deathbed.”

 

His breaths where coming faster, his hands starting to tremble. Jeremy was smiling at this jerk. A jerk that now had Jeremy's phone number, Simon was sure. _What the hell was going on? Jeremy liked him, Simon! Why? Why would he be making a date with another guy?_

 

“You know I had such a great time on our date but I think our next one should just be the two of us. What do you think?”

 

Simon watched as the boy leaned in close whispering, Jeremy threw his head back laughing. He felt heat creeping up his neck, his blood beginning to boil. Jeremy had been playing him. **This. Entire. Time.** He must have sense how weak Simon was, made him feel things he shouldn’t. Want things he shouldn’t. Hope for things he shouldn’t. All the flirting, the looks… _the kiss_. Simon felt raw, like his heart was completely shredded. How could he have been so stupid? While he was falling in love, Jeremy was just making him into one big joke.

 

“My parents wont be home this Friday, you should come over.”

 

When the guy reached out and placed his hand on Jeremy’s shoulder, Simon felt like something inside him snapped. “Actually, Anabelle, I’m planning a party with Lilette this weekend for the troupe. How about we go to that?”

 

“A party? Great, I’m sure we could find something fun to do there.”

 

“Yeah, cool,” he said distractedly. He couldn’t help but look back at the boys, Simon watched as Jeremy’s boyfriend turned and started walking in his direction. He looked so satisfyingly smug, Simon wanted to puke. Wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face.

 

He didn’t even realize he had moved until it was too late. The boy, with his stupid smile, let out a grunt of surprise as he tripped and landed on the floor. Hard.

 

Simon couldn’t hold back a gasp, “Are you okay?” He reached down to help the guy to his feet. Simon was stunned, he couldn’t believe he would ever do something so awful. “I-I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention,” he muttered the lame excuse.

 

“It’s fine. I’m alright,” he other boy said as he dusted off his pants and turned to leave.

 

As Simon watched the boy continue down the hall he couldn’t stop the flicker of petty satisfaction. The guy wasn’t smiling anymore.

 

Simon didn’t know what was happening to him anymore and he hated it. Hated everything he felt. Hated Jeremy for making him feel this way.

 

\------

 

Anabelle was startled when she felt a tap on her shoulder, swinging around she caught sight of Simon. He looked nervous.

 

“Simon! Good morning. I haven’t heard from you since Saturday night. Are you okay? When you didn’t show up for school or answered my texts I figured you must have been really sick,” she was rambling, she knew, but couldn’t seem to stop. Simon wouldn’t even look her in the eye. _Oh, God. Oh, God. He wont look me in the eyes_. Anabelle could feel her stomach drop.

 

“Did you get food poisoning or something? No way you’d miss rehearsals unless you where on your deathbed.” _Was he avoiding me?_ He’s been ignoring my texts and calls since Sunday.

 

He still wasn’t looking at her, he seemed engrossed in whatever was happening behind her. She glanced over her shoulder, trying to follow his line of sight. When she spotted Jeremy a few lockers down she glanced back at Simon. She was sure he was staring directly at the other boy, he looked furious. Anabelle was confused. What did Jeremy do that made Simon look like he was ready to puke.

 

“You know I had such a great time on our date but I think our next one should just be the two of us. What do you think,” she asked as she continued to watch Jeremy, trying to figure out why Simon couldn’t take his eyes off of the guy. When another boy leaned in to whisper in his ear, causing Jeremy to laugh happily, she heard a tiny gasp from beside her. She swung her gaze back to Simon, who looked like he’d just been punched in the gut.

 

She wasn’t sure what was going on with Simon but she tried to get his attention again, “My parents wont be home this Friday, you should come over.”

 

His gaze returned to hers, “Actually, Anabelle, I’m planning a party with Lilette this weekend, for the troupe. How about we go to that?”

 

Anabelle let out a breathe she didn’t realize she was holding. Whatever the hell was going on with Jeremy, he still wanted to be with her. He wasn’t ignoring her because he wanted to break up, she assured herself. He and Jeremy must have had a fight. That’s all, nothing more.

 

“A party? Great, I’m sure we could find something fun to do there,” she tried flirting.

 

“Yeah, cool,” he said distractedly.

 

As she was getting ready to make her goodbyes, she glanced down at the ground just in time to see Simon stick his foot out and trip a boy walking past him. Anabelle was stunned, she’d never ever seen Simon doing something like that before.

 

She felt blood rushing in her ears as the boy picked himself up off of the floor. It was the same guy that was hanging all over Jeremy just moments ago. She couldn’t hear what was being said, all she knew was that her sweet, nice, perfect, wouldn’t hurt a fly, boyfriend just put down a boy that was flirting with his scene partner. She looked at Simon, he looked just as stunned as she was. _Oh, God. Oh, God. No._

 

\------

 

Patricia Saunders startled as the front door slammed shut, her son storming into the kitchen. “You okay honey?”

 

Simon opened the fridge roughly, reaching in for a drink. “I’m fine,” he muttered.

 

Patricia wasn’t even remotely convinced, she’d never seen her son like this before. Agitated, angry. Though she was seeing a lot of new sides to Simon lately. “Is it the show,” she asked in the hope that he would open up to her.

 

He took a big gulp of his coke and huffed, “No, not really.”

 

“Did you get in an argument with your father,” she hated to ask but after that conversation in the car after church she couldn’t help but think it was just a matter of time before they fought.

 

“No,” he sighed.

 

She looked at her son carefully, he looked…heartbroken. Her heart clenched tightly at the sight of her sons pain. “Is it your friend,” she paused for a moment before saying quietly, “Jeremy?”

 

Simon shoulders tensed up and he walked over to the trash to throw his can in it. He wouldn't look at her as he said roughly, “Jeremy Who?” He didn’t wait for a response as he headed up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him.

 

“Ah,” she muttered to herself. Now she understood.

 

She frowned up at his door as she heard loud angry music blasting from his speakers. Another new first for her son. It wasn’t long before she heard him singing at the top of his lungs.

 

 

__I hate everything about you_ _

__Why do I love you_ _

__You hate everything about me_ _

__Why do you love me_ _

 

 

Patricia’s eyebrows shot up to her hair line, a grin tugging at the corner of her mouth. He was going to be fine. She listened to him jumping around and singing for a few minutes before returning to the kitchen to finish dinner. She couldn’t stop the grin from fulling forming on her face. She liked these new sides of her son, it meant that he was finally starting to figure himself out. Patricia couldn’t wait to get to know this new Simon, angst and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am i even doing?!?
> 
>  
> 
> Ps I have no clue what year Rise is set in so I went for an older hate you song. If you want to drop me a comment with the year that’d be great.


	6. Not Every Day Can Be Hump Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anabelle takes steps to keep Jeremy away from her boyfriend. While Simon pushes Jeremy away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is for apritch, I hope you like it! 
> 
> Also I still hope your buckled in because this isn’t going to be pretty.

Jeremy’s foot jiggled impatiently as he watched the clock on the wall count down, waiting for the bell to ring. He was determined to get to the drama department early in hopes of getting a few minutes alone with a certain brown haired, brown eyed beauty. He still hadn’t spoken to Simon since Sunday but that was okay. What he had to say was best said face to face.

 

As soon as the bell rang he sprung from his chair, grabbed his backpack off the floor, and made a B-line for the door. He was halfway down the hall before he heard his name being called from behind him, he paused looking back.

 

“John, hey. I’m kinda in a hurry…”

 

“Yeah I can tell,” he chuckled, “this wont take long. Just a minute, if you can spare it?”

 

Jeremy looked closely at the other boy. John seemed out of breath, like he had been running full out down the hall. It must be pretty important, “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

 

He followed John down the hall and through a door that lead outside. The other boy sat down on a nearby bench and looked expectantly at him. Jeremy sat down as well and took the other boy in, he was pretty cute but he didn’t hold a candle to Simon. Simon was just…perfect. To Jeremy at least.

 

Jeremy was pulled from his thoughts of the other boy when John cleared his throat, “Uh, first I’d like to thank you for your help with yesterday homework.”

 

“Not sure how much help texting about a few questions was…” Jeremy couldn’t help but frown a little at John’s nervous chuckle. He barely knew the guy before yesterday, when John had asked for help with his homework. He seemed really nice and he had a knack for making him laugh, Jeremy didn’t think twice about agreeing to help. But as the boy shifted to face Jeremy more fully on the bench, he couldn’t help but wish that he had turn the guy down.

 

“No! It was a big help. Really,” John licked his lips and scooted a little closer to Jeremy, “um, I was just thinking that…that maybe you would want to,” Jeremy’s stomach twisted in a knot at the hopeful look on John’s face, “I don’t know, maybe have a real study date. Or something?”

 

“I-I,” Jeremy was shocked, he didn’t know how to respond. “Study date?”

 

“Or just hang, no pressure,” John’s hand inched a little towards Jeremy’s, “You seem like a really nice guy. Your smart, funny…cute.”

 

Jeremy pulled his hands into his lap, as he looked at the boy next to him. He felt heat creep up his neck and bloom in his cheeks. John thought he was cute? Jeremy looked at the other boy closely. He was handsome with dark hair and dark eyes, funny, nice, and Jeremy felt absolutely nothing for him.

 

“Um, Thank-Thank you. You seem like a really great guy too,” Jeremy’s stomach knotted even more at the sweet smile tugging at Johns mouth. “But, uh, I like someone else,” he finished with a whisper.

 

“Oh,” Jeremy hated seeing John’s smile crumble, “yeah-yeah, of course.” John stood up quickly and made to leave, “It’s cool. I mean, we can totally be friends. Look, I gotta get home. Talk to you later.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jeremy said softly to John’s back as the other boy retreated to the parking lot.

 

Jeremy let out a loud sigh, leaning back against the bench, and let his thoughts wander. That was certainly a new experience and he couldn’t help but feel bad. He hated causing pain to anyone, especially people who don’t deserve it.

 

A buzzing from his pocket pulled him from his thoughts, he pulled his phone from his pocket and turned off the reminder to get to rehearsals. Stuffing the phone back in his pocket, he stood and made his was to the auditorium. Looks like he’ll have to find another time to talk to Simon, maybe near the end of rehearsal.

 

\------

 

Anabelle’s stomach began to churn as she watched the scene play out in front of her. Simon was singing his heart out to Jeremy on stage and Anabelle had never seen such an intense look in his eyes before. She didn’t know what to make of it but Jeremy, he looked like he was ready to climb into Simon’s lap and shove his tongue down her boyfriends throat. The whole thing looked real, like they where an actual couple. She crossed her arms defensively as the scene came to a close and Simon took Jeremy’s hand, kissing it as he looked deeply into the other boys eyes. She knew she had to put a stop to this.

 

When the boys walked off stage, Simon headed for the green room. She watched as Jeremy hesitated a moment before following after him. She took off quickly behind him, down the hall and tapping Jeremy on the shoulder she asked, “Do you have a minute?”

 

He glanced down the hall towards the green room, before turning back to her, “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

 

She remembered how Simon had looked at Jeremy in the hallway and her blood began to boil. No way was she letting some guy come between her and her boyfriend. “That, uh, scene with Simon was so good,” she said watching him closely, “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you two were the couple.”

 

Jeremy fidgeted nervously where he stood, “Th-Thanks.”

 

Anabelle noticed he wouldn’t meet her eyes, a blush spreading up his neck, and that just ticked her off even more. “Simon is such an amazing actor, you know?”

 

“Yeah, amazing,” he echoed.

 

“Yeah, exactly,” she said. Looking him straight in the eyes before continuing, “Not like he and I at the mill the other night.”

 

Jeremy seemed startled, his face paling before he asked, “W-what?”

 

She smirked at his discomfort, “Too bad the cops showed up. A real buzzkill, right?” She laughed softly, “Luckily my parents are out of town this Friday so we can, uh, finish what we started.” She winked at him conspiratorially, like he was her friend. Instead of a backstabbing, home wreaking, jerk trying to steal her man. “We’re gonna rock it all night long.”

 

She felt satisfied at Jeremy’s stricken expression. _Good_ , she thought, _back off_. “Anyways, I just wanted to tell you to keep up the good work.”

 

“Y-Yeah, thanks. You too,” he said as he turned and walked away. She watched him walk towards the green room, letting a wide grin spread across her face. Jeremy got the message loud and clear. Now that that was taken care of, she could rest easy. Sure, she had to stretch the truth a little but it would be worth it if it kept him away from Simon.

 

_No way was she giving up her boyfriend without a fight._

 

\------

 

Simon took a steadying breath, looking himself over in the mirror. He couldn’t believe he was able to get through his scene with Jeremy without completely breaking down. Or punching the other boy in his lying face. _How dare he look at me with sweet smiles and soft eyes!_

 

He was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of footfalls and a soft spoken, “Hey.”

 

Simon glanced at Jeremy and his heart began to pound in his ears. He could feel the anger bubbling up, he reigned it in and returned his greeting, “Hey.” _Be cool. Be cool._ Simon was not going to give Jeremy the satisfaction of reacting to the other boy. “These pants are just way too big,” he said blandly.

 

“So, is it true you’re having sex with Anabelle,” Jeremy asked.

 

Simon was stunned for a moment. He didn’t have a clue where Jeremy would’ve gotten that rumor from. He looked into the other boys eyes, Jeremy looked… confused. Simon could understand why but that didn’t stop him from lashing out. “I didn’t realize that was public knowledge,” he said defensively. “Uh, but yeah. Yeah, it’s true.”

 

He watched as Jeremy’s confusion turned to hurt, hurt that looked… real. Simon felt a stab of satisfaction at the look. _Good_. It was only fair that the other boy hurt as much as he did. Simon drove his point home with a defiant, “I mean, she’s my girlfriend.”

 

Jeremy nodded his head and looked away before saying, “All right. So, um, can we just talk this through?” He looked back at Simon, his eyes pleading, “Because we kissed and after Saturday-”

 

“We didn’t kiss, okay,” Simon interrupted harshly. He had been reliving that kiss everyday since it happened. It was the last thing he thought about before falling asleep and the first thing on his mind when he woke up. He dreamed of that damn kiss. Being reminded of it now just kicked his anger up another notch. “You kissed me,” he lied.

 

“We kissed each other,” Jeremy said desperately, “You’ve been flirting with me on stage.”

 

“It’s called acting. Okay,” Simon couldn’t help the viciousness creeping into his voice.He needed to get out of here before Jeremy realized how affected he was. How much his heart was breaking, looking at the boy next to him. “Look, I-I’m sorry if you got the wrong idea or if you’re confused.” He watched as Jeremy shrunk back from him as if slapped. Simon could feel victory in his grasp, “But I’m dating Anabelle.”

 

“All right, good to know,” his voice breaking on the last word. Simon’s heart stuttered in his chest, he looked over at the boy who was acting like Simon had just broken his heart. He couldn’t stop his breath from catching as Jeremy swallowed thickly before glancing away to continue, “Hey, so listen, um, I’m not really comfortable with our scene anymore.”

 

Simon couldn’t stop the doubt from creeping in, Jeremy must be a better actor than he thought. Simon was starting to believe that Jeremy was truly hurt. “Okay, um, what did you-”

 

“Just don’t touch me anymore,” Jeremy said forcefully. He took a step back, putting distance between him and Simon. He looked into Jeremy’s eyes and saw tears gathering in the corners.

 

Simon was speechless, his heart stopping completely, but managed to stutter out, “Okay, uh… why?”

 

The hurt on Jeremy’s face slowly morphed into anger. “You know why,” he said before turning and walking away, a tear sliding down his cheek, leaving Simon to stare after him in shock.

 

He turned to the mirror and looked at his reflection. He couldn’t help but notice the the tears now streaking down his face. _What just happened?_


	7. Some Days Are Just Slump Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon talks to Lilette and his mother, while Jeremy turns to Maashous for advice.

Simon opened his front door quietly and crept up to his room. He hoped he wouldn’t run into any of his family, he couldn’t deal with them right now. He shut his door and threw himself onto his bed, with a sigh. He didn’t know what to make of Jeremy. Simon pulled his phone out of his pocket, he needed to talk with someone. Luckily he had Lilette and an open invitation.

 

Simon - I think I messed up.

 

Lilette - what happened?

 

Lilette - are you okay?

 

Simon - I got in a fight with Jeremy today.

 

Simon - He told me not to touch him anymore.

 

Lilette - oh Si, are you free to call me?

 

Simon glanced around his room, spotting his stereo, he walked over and switched it on. Hopefully the music will be loud enough that his family wouldn’t be able to over hear him. He pressed the call button and brought his phone up to his ear.

Lilette answered after the first ring, “Tell me what happened.”

He told her everything. Jeremy, the other boy, his heart breaking, inviting Anabelle as his date to the party, tripping the guy flirting with Jeremy, the fight they had in the green room, Jeremy’s reactions, everything. It was only when he stopped to take a breath that he realized he was crying.

“So you think you made a mistake,” Lilette asked softly.

Simon felt a sob wrenched from his throat, “He was crying, Lil. And I just kept pushing and pushing.” Simon took a shaky breath, “I was just so angry at him… I lashed out and hurt that guy just because I couldn’t stand him touching Jeremy.” 

Simon had never felt so ashamed of himself. “I made him cry,” he whispered brokenly.

He didn’t know how long he laid, curled on his bed crying, as he listened to his best friend trying to console him over the phone. “Simon, listen, We’re going figure this out.” 

“How?”

Lilette hummed to herself for a moment, thinking. “Okay, here’s the plan, I’ll talk to Jeremy and find out about this other guy. Discreetly,” she added before Simon could protest. “In the mean time, you really need to figure out a way to breakup with Anabelle. No matter what happens with Jeremy, you cant keep leading her on.”

Simon groaned loudly down the line, “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“No kidding,” she snorted. 

Simon spent the next hour talking on the phone with Lilette, both making sure to stay away from any serious topics. He was grateful, she always knew how to cheer him up. Even if she wasn’t able to fully distract him from Jeremy Travers, it was better than spending the rest of his night crying over the other boy. 

\------

Jeremy slumped down on his bed, pulled out his phone and sent a quick message.

 

Jeremy - Can we talk?

 

A moment later his phone was ringing, Jeremy quickly answered it, “Hey, I hope I’m not disturbing you?”

“Not at all,” Maashous assured him, “What’s up?”

Up to this point Jeremy had been able to keep himself together, but at the sound of the other boys gentle voice, he felt the flood gate open. He choked back a sob, “I-I don’t know what happened, Maashous. I tried talking to Simon today but he just blew up at me…”

“I’m so sorry. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Jeremy took a deep breathe, trying to pull himself together. “Apparently I’m confused and I’ve misunderstood everything. He hasn’t been flirting with me. I haven’t caught him staring at me. We didn’t kiss each other in the parking lot,” he muttered, “I’m confused and he’s just been acting this whole time.”

“He really said it was all just acting,” Maashous asked incredulous.

“Yeah. He was just so…angry. I’ve never seen him like that before. I thought he might actually hit me,” Jeremy whispered, “and when I asked about Anabelle…” He couldn’t help but think back to that moment, his heart breaking at the look on Simon’s face, “he said she was his girlfriend and they were sleeping together.” Jeremy’s heart clenched at his next words, “Apparently they had sex at the steel mill.”

“Whoa, what? Jeremy, I was at the steel mill with them. They didn’t have sex,” Maashous tried to reassure him.

“I don’t know, Anabelle made it sound like they did something a lot like have sex that night,” he said a bit harshly. Just the thought of Simon kissing someone else made Jeremy sick. The image of he and Anabelle actually having sex in an abandoned warehouse was just to much. It was burned into his mind, making his stomach roll violently.

“Anabelle was in the room with you guys,” Maashous couldn’t help but ask.

“Huh? No, she stopped me in the hall on my way to the green room to talk to Simon.”

“And she said they slept together at the mill?”

“Yeah,” Jeremy thought back on his conversation with her, it was painful to remember how his heart had tried to beat its way out of his chest and the feeling of all his blood draining from his face. He had been so embarrassed, standing there like an idiot, while she went on and on about sleeping with the boy he loved. “She told me her parents were going to be gone this Friday and they were going to ‘rock it all night long’,” he couldn’t help the mocking tone as he quoted Anabelle. 

Maashous was quite for a moment before he said curiously, “I didn’t realize you and Anabelle were so close.”

“We’re not,” he said, adding softly, “not since the beginning of the show at least. When she starting bragging about going on a date with Simon…I just couldn’t, I don’t know, be near her. I guess.”

“Before that,” Maashous asked. “Think, this is important. Would she have ever talked to you about her having sex before the show?”

Jeremy couldn’t help but feel a little confused at the intensity of his tone, “No. We were never that close. We just have a couple of classes together, worked on a few projects. Nothing deep enough for sex talks. Why?”

“You don’t find it curious that while you were running after a boy, said boy’s girlfriend stops you and warns you off of him? Goes into detail about having sex, when she had never talked to you about that kind of stuff before? You don’t think that's a little strange?”

Jeremy paused a moment, surprised. He hadn't thought of that at the time but… He shook his head before saying, “Yes-No, it doesn’t matter does it? Simon said he was sleeping with her. Why would he lie about that?”

“You mean straight Simon,” Maashous said dryly, “that has a perfectly good girlfriend but chose to spend an entire night flirting on the phone with a boy? Simon that makes ‘moon eyes’ at you when he thinks no one is looking? Yeah I caught those looks. Simon who’s family would be upset if he brought a boy home to meet them and who’s very religion is against same sex couples? That Simon?”

“You…really think he lied to me,” he couldn’t help but ask. On some level what Maashous was saying made sense but, “but Anabelle said-”

“Maybe Anabelle knows Simon better than he knows himself,” Maashous interrupted, “maybe she knows…”

“And she’s trying to keep us apart,” Jeremy finished. The thought was appealing. It would be so easy to believe it and ignore everything else. Go back to chasing after Simon like a love sick puppy. “That could all be true but Simon was still cruel. It wasn’t just the things he said but the way he said them. Like he was trying to hurt me, like he was enjoying my pain. I cant just let that go.”

“No you cant. No one deserves to be spoken to that way. Especially someone like you,” Maashous said gently, “the world doesn’t deserve you.”

Jeremy felt a blush stain his cheeks, “Uh, th-thanks, but I’m not that special.” 

He could hear Maashous huff down the line, “So, what do you think your going to do now?”

“I don’t know,” Jeremy admitted, “I cant just pretend like it didn’t happen, plus I told him not to touch me anymore.” He couldn’t stop the sigh that slipped from his lips, “This is so complicated. What do I do?”

“Hmm,” Maashous thought for a moment, “I’ve got an idea. Give me a little time to work a few things out. We’ll get to the bottom of this.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Let me worry about that right now. I promise I’ll fill you in on everything,” Maashous added before he could protest.

“Okay,” he replied. Jeremy spent the next little while talking with the other boy about nothing important. He wasn’t sure how to describe all the feelings that where swirling around inside him right now, but he trusted Maashous.

\------

Patrica knocked softly on her son’s door, listening to the music on the other side turn off, and the door open slowly. She took in Simon’s appearance, he looked mussed, it wasn’t a look he wore often. “Do you have a minute to talk before dinner?”

Simon opened the door wider and shuffled over to the bed, sitting down and looked at her expectantly. She stepped into the room and shut the door quietly before joining him on the bed, “I just want to touch base with you. If there’s anything you want to talk about…” she asked. 

He looked at her curiously, “I’m not really sure what you mean.”

“Well, there have been a lot of changes happening over the last few weeks. I just wanted to make sure your doing okay with everything that’s been going on,” she answered. Honestly she wasn’t sure what exactly she was trying to ask. She just wanted to make sure he was okay.

Simon nodded his head in understanding, “Yeah, a lot has happened pretty quickly. I think I’m doing okay though,” he paused for a moment, thinking, “Uh, I did talk to Lilette about that party you said I could have for the troupe?”

Patricia perked up at this, maybe he really would open up to her. Maybe he would tell her about Jeremy, “Yes, of course.”

Simon fidgeted on his spot on the bed, “I-I think we’re going to have it at Lilette’s apartment.”

Patricia felt herself deflate a little at that, “Oh, okay. If your sure?”

“I know Dad wasn’t really in to the idea in the first place. It’d just be better not to worry him about it,” he paused before adding, “and I know you were only trying to protect me. Thank you for that by the way.”

“Do you want to talk about it,” she couldn’t help but ask. She reached a hand out and gently pushed his bangs back into place, “or anything at all.”

She watched as Simon seemed to freeze up and draw in on himself. “Mom, I-I don’t know…I cant. I don’t think…I’m not,” he stammered. 

“Shh, its okay,” she soothed. Patricia reached out and drew her son into her arms, hugging him tightly. “Whatever it is you need to say,” she paused, pulling back to look into his eyes, “you say it whenever your ready, at your own pace. Okay?” She leaned back in and placed a kiss on his forehead, “I’ll be right here.”

Simon pulled back and looked her in the eyes, he looked confused. She couldn’t blame him. After going along so willingly with every decision her husband made about Simon, in an attempt to keep him from being himself, it was only natural that he wouldn’t trust her. She’d have to work hard to earn that back. 

“Okay,” Simon said eventually, “thanks Mom.” 

Patricia nodded and stood up, heading for the door, “Dinner will be ready in a few minutes.”


	8. Dinner Is The Perfect Time To Pick Fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon has a nice family dinner. lol, j/k

Simon’s breath shuddered from his lungs, as he watched his mother leave his room, shutting to door quietly behind her. He knew what she was trying to do and on some level he appreciated it, but he just wasn’t ready for it. He couldn’t even be honest with himself, he couldn’t stop hurting the people around him, no way he could just tell her he was in love with a boy. Even if she was expecting it from him, he knew she would still be disappointed. And if she told his father… He didn’t want to think about what he would do. At best probably send him back to St. Francis, at worst disown him and keep him away from Emma. Neither of those were an option for him.

With a deep sigh he pushed those thoughts away, stood from his bed, and made his way downstairs for dinner.

“Simon help your sister set the table,” his father said. Simon couldn’t stop the slight roll of his eyes that his Dad couldn’t even say hello to him anymore. Robert hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words since his fight with his wife last Sunday. So Simon was surprised when he continued, “How was school today, son?”

“Uh, yeah, it was fine,” Simon nodded his head, “learned a lot.”

Robert looked at him curiously, “Okay, you just seem a little out of sorts. How’s the show coming along?”

Simon gaze swung up to his, Robert never asked about the show. No one in the house brought it up, it only started fights. Simon looked at his mother who seemed to be frozen where she stood, before looking back at his father, “The show is good. Everything’s on schedule. We’re good.”

“Hmm, you seem a little stressed. Just know we wouldn’t think less of you if you decided to back out of the show,” he said conversationally.

Simon sat up straighter in his seat and said stiffly, “I’m not quitting the show.”

“You will if your grades start to slip,” he said just as stiffly.

“Robert...,” Patricia started.

“No,” he interrupted, “look at him. His eyes are bloodshot, he has bags under them, he hasn’t been acting like himself.” Robert looked between his wife and son, “If his grades start slipping then hes out of the show. Period.”

“Robert, this show is important to Simon,” his mother pleaded. Simon could hug her for that. He was still getting used to the idea of her standing up to his father. She had always been so meek before, just going along with everything her husband decided. Simon’s chest expanded with pride every time she showed her strength.

“Maybe it is,” he conceded, “but his grades are more important than so silly high school play.”

Patricia looked ready to argue. Simon looked over at Emma, who was shifting uncomfortably in her seat. Simon needed to put a stop to this before it became another fight. “It’s okay. My grades are fine. I wont let them drop,” he promised. He looked back at his mother and nodded, trying to telepathically tell her that he was okay.

“See that they don’t,” his father replied.

Simon nodded and spent the rest of dinner picking at the food on his plate. He couldn’t help but think his Dad was hoping his grades would fall, so that he couldn’t be blamed when he had Simon pulled from the show. Simon was an excellent student and his grades where far from suffering. In this instance, he would be more than happy to disappoint his father.

\------

Patricia sat down across from her husband, folded her hands on the table and cleared her throat. She couldn’t believe how Robert acted at the dinner table this evening. The image of both Simon and Emma’s distraught faces flashed in her mind. Patrica couldn’t help but feel that her husband was just being selfish and she was sick of it.

Robert glanced up from the stack of bills and check book in front of him. “Everything alright?”

“Why would you do that?”

Robert leaned back in his seat, putting distance between them, before replying, “I don’t know what your talking about.”.

“Robert, how dare you threaten to pull him from the show like that.”

“I didn’t realize I needed your permission to tell my son his grades where more important than some inappropriate play.” Robert looked at her accusingly before continuing, “You used to agree with me.”

“Well, do you realize what this does to our son, having that kind of pressure put on him? It is a total betrayal.”

“This is protecting our son,” he said defiantly. “This is standing up for what we believe.”

“No, this is you.” Robert stood up from his seat and put more distance between them. Patrica stood as well, turning to face him. “You, hiding behind religion and God and morality to stop Simon from being who he is.”

“Who is he,” he asked stubbornly. “What do you mean?” They stare at each other silently. They both knew what she meant, who Simon was. What her accusations where implying. She looked into him eyes, daring him to deny it. Robert shook his head before turning and walking away.

“No,” she called after him, a sob slipping from her lips. “No.” Patricia ran after him and grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at her. “No, this isn’t about him,” she said more firmly, “This is about us.” She paused a moment trying to catch his eye, “And our marriage.”

Robert rolled his eyes and turned slightly away from her, “Our marriage is fine.”

“We don’t have a marriage, Robert,” she says desperately. She needed to make him understand. “We pretend,” she starts, shaking her head sadly. “There’s no intimacy. There is no tenderness.” She can feel herself starting to shake when the full weight of what she’s implying slips from her lips, “You…never touch me.”

Robert looks away, unable to look her in the eyes, refusing to speak.

“Is that why you're afraid of this play?” His eyes swing back to her quickly, surprised. Patricia also saw fear flashing in his eyes. 

She couldn’t help the small gasp as realization dawned on her. She had known for years, she just refused to see it. It was like a missing puzzle piece had just been found and slotted into place. It explained everything. 

It was out there now, she couldn’t stop herself from pushing him, “Is that why you are afraid of him playing a gay boy?”

Robert blinks several times but still refuses to answer her. “Is that why?”

She grabs his arms asking desperately, “Tell me the truth. Is that why?”

Patricia tries to fight back to tears threatening to spill over, as her husband sniffles, “Patricia. I will never stop fighting for our family.” 

She shakes her head in disbelief. This is the most honest they have been with each other in years and she still felt like she was begging a brick wall to talk to her.

“I will never stop fighting for what I believe,” he said resolutely, “This conversation is over.” Robert turns and starts up the stairs. 

 

She reaches out to him, breathing heavily. “You haven’t…,” her voice tails off as she watches him continue up the stairs, his back straight, pace measured. He didn’t look back or say another word. She turned from him and leaned her back against the wall., covering her mouth to quiet her sobs.

\------

Simon slid numbly down the wall, his legs no longer able to hold him. He knows eavesdropping was wrong but it didn’t stop him from listening to every single word. He couldn’t believe what his mother had implied. She really thought her husband was gay.

Emma slumped down next to him and buried her face in his neck, crying quietly. “Shh, Emma. Everything will be okay.” he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. He wanted to comfort her but his thoughts were swirling with the implications of what had just happened with their parents.

If his father was really gay, that would mean that everything Simon had been taught, everything he believed in, all his values, was a lie. Robert Saunders had used his own fear of his own sexuality to repress Simon. He could feel himself starting to shake, the anger setting in, cold and hard. His father had made him feel like there was something ‘wrong’ with Simon, like he wasn’t ‘normal’, like he needed to change himself to fit in. Simon lived in an almost constant fear that if his parents ever found about about his true feelings, that they wouldn’t understand him, that he would lose his family. When the truth was that it was his father that was scared and he had instilled his son with that same fear. 

Simon could feel bitterness take hold of him as he thought about ever snide comment his dad ever made about the gay community. He couldn’t help but think that his own father had broken something inside of him. Something he wasn’t sure he could repair.

As quickly as the angry set in, it left, leaving only determination behind. Simon had a lot of work ahead of him if he was going to repair the damage his messed up family had inflicted. He was going to have to change his entire way of thinking.

But one thing was certain, he didn’t want to feel this way anymore. He was done being afraid. His father may be a coward but Simon refused to be like him anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright guys how am i doing? i think we've reached a point where we can start bringing our two boys together...hopefully...i hope i didnt just lie to you.


	9. The Downward Slide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilette and Maashous to the rescue?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know anymore, hope you enjoy.  
> *laughs hysterically while simultaneously crying*

“Thanks for the ride,” Lilette said as she turned to quickly exit the jeep.

“Whoa, whoa,” Robbie reached out for her hand, “what’s the rush?”

She glanced over at her boyfriend before setting back into her seat. “Well,” she chewed her lip, not sure what she could say. On one hand Simon was her best friend and she couldn’t betray his trust, on the other hand Robbie was the boy she loved and she didn’t feel right keeping secrets from him.

Still she hesitated, “I promised I’d take care of something. That has to do with something I cant really tell you about…”

“Ah,” Robbie said thoughtfully. She couldn’t stop the shock from showing when he asked, “Does this have to do with a certain best friend?” Robbie chuckled at the look on her face, “Don’t be so surprised, Lil. I’m pretty sure there is only a handful of reasons that you would need to keep something secret from me. And only one of them is here at school.”

Lilette chuckled, “Sorry, but you understand why I cant really get into it?”

“Yeah, I get it. Is there anything I can do to help?” 

She couldn’t help but smile at that, he didn’t show many people this softer said of him. “I’m not sure how you would be able to help,” she started when movement outside of the jeep caught her eye, “actually maybe you could do me one tiny favor?”

He fallowed her line of sight and chuckled, “Ah, so this has to do with Jeremy?”

Lilette looked out at Jeremy as he stood talking to Maashous, he looked tired she couldn’t help but notice. “Do you think you could distract Maashous for me for a minute,” she asked instead.

Robbie smiled over at her before opening the door, “Sure thing.”

Lilette hopped out of the car and called out, “Hey Jeremy!” He turned towards her, startled. She smiled reassuringly as she made her way to him, “do you have a minute?”

“Uh, sure,” he said curiously, “what can I do for you?”

Lilette looked him over closely. Jeremy looked more than tired. His clothes were rumpled, hair sticking up on one side, and even the bags under his eyes had bags. She tried to contain a wince, that fight he had with Simon really took a toll on him. Her heart went out to him. 

“Lilette?”

She glanced over her shoulder towards Maashous, who was now standing off to the side talking with Robbie. “I just wanted to ask,” she trailed off. She promised Simon she would be discreet but now that she was here she wasn’t sure how to go about it. 

“You wanted to ask,” he echoed.

She stood thinking for a moment before a thought occurred to her and she had to restrain herself from giving herself a pat on the back, “It’s about the party this weekend,” she started, “I, uh, just wanted to let you know that you could totally bring someone…like a date or whatever.”

“Oh, uh,” Jeremy shifted awkwardly on his feet, “okay. Thanks?” 

“Sure, no problem,” she watched as Jeremy looked around unsure. She couldn’t blame him, it was a pretty weird conversation, especially first thing in the morning. “So, will you be bringing anyone with you?” Lilette wasn’t one to let a little weirdness stop her from a mission. Especially if it was to help her best friend.

Jeremy swung his gaze to her, his mouth opening and closing a few times. “I-I…what,” he asked.

“There’s a rumor going around that you may have a new boyfriend,” she said, taking advantage of his momentary shock, “I just wanted you to know that you can totally bring him to the party.”

That seemed to snap him out of it, “Wait, what rumor? What are you talking about?”

Lilette did a little happy dance in her head. It seems Jeremy might still be single, though not for long if Lilette had anything to say about it. “Yeah, apparently you were spotted in a hallway the other day, there was a cute boy, and maybe some flirting,” she said with a wink.

She watched as the confusion on Jeremy’s face started to clear. “John? He-he’s not my…we’re not…,” he stuttered, “I don’t-friends. We’re just friends.” 

Lilette couldn’t help grinning as he floundered for words. She could definitely see why Simon was so captivated. Jeremy was absolutely adorable, she couldn’t stop herself from vowing to see him happy. “Are you interested in being more than friends?”

Jeremy blushed at that, “N-no. Uh, not really.”

“Ah,” she smiled knowingly, “there’s someone else you like.”

“What?” 

She watched all the blood drain from her face and she instantly regretted it, “It’s okay,” she reached out a hand for him, “I didn’t mean anything by it.”

He nodded, taking a deep breath, “It’s okay. I don’t think I’ll be bringing anyone with me this weekend. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah sure,” she hurried to reassure him, “no problem.” 

“Okay. So I’ll see you later?”

“Of course,” she turned towards Robbie, signaling that she was ready to walk to class. Glancing back at Jeremy she said, “I’ll see you later.”

“Wait,” Jeremy reached out a hand to stop her, “where did you hear that rumor from, anyways?”

Lilette thought for a moment about telling him the truth, but her promise to Simon held her tongue. Instead she decided on a half truth, “Someone who would rather you come to the party without a new boyfriend.”

“Hey, you ready to head in,” Robbie asked. She nodded, grabbed his hand, and lead the way to the school building. “You do what you needed to do,” Robbie muttered in her ear.

She couldn’t resist glancing over your shoulder one last time to take in the blushing, stammering, Jeremy staring after her. “I think so,” she grinned.

\------

Jeremy stared after Lilette, stunned. That whole conversation from beginning to end was bizarre. He turned the last thing she said to him over and over in his head. Was she playing some joke on him or something?

“That was weird.” 

The voice pulled Jeremy out of his thought spiral and he glanced at the boy next to him, “Yeah, no kidding. What was that about?”

Maashous shrugged, “What did she say?”

“Just that I could invite a date to her party this weekend,” he paused as he thought about what else Lilette had told him, “oh, and apparently I have a new boyfriend.”

Maashous gawked at him, “You…what? Why would she think that? Was she making a joke about Simon?”

Jeremy shook his head, “No, she was talking about John.”

“John?”

“Yeah, he’s a guy in my class,” he muttered. Jeremy would rather not think about the last time he saw the boy.

Maashous noticed the blush staining his cheeks, “You want to tell me what happened there?”

Jeremy glanced over at Maashous, before looking out over the parking lot, “He kinda asked me out. I turned him down.”

“And now he’s your boyfriend,” Maashous asked curiously, “how did she even find out about that?”

Jeremy shrugged, “Guess someone saw us talking in the hall and now it’s being passed around.”

“Did she say who told her this?”

“Uh, no,” he thought a moment before adding, “well, she did say it was ‘someone who would rather you come to the party without a new boyfriend.’ Whatever that means.”

“Huh,” Maashous said thoughtfully, “I can think of one person she’s close to that might feel that way.”

“You think this has to do with Simon,” Jeremy asked, his heart lurching painfully in his chest. He didn’t want to think about what that could mean right now. He was still upset about the fight and wasn’t ready to make any decisions about the guy.

“Well, its the first thing that springs to mind.”

The more Jeremy thought about it, the more it started to make sense. The more it made sense, the more he started to get upset. “Do you think Simon would really start a rumor like that or just relay one he heard?” Was Simon just trying to find a new way to hurt him, make him in to one big joke?

Maashous placed a reassuring hand on Jeremy’s shoulder, “I don’t think Simon is the type of guy to start rumors.”

Jeremy shook the dark thoughts from his head, “No, your right. He wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Don’t worry,” Maashous started walking to the school building, “we’ll figure it out.”

“Sure,” Jeremy followed behind his friend, “whats one more mystery?”

\------

Simon was pulled from his thoughts of soft blonde hair and crystal clear blue-grey eyes by the rattle of a lunch tray landing on the table beside him. 

“How much do you love me,” Lilette whispered in his ear.

He looked over at his best friend, she looked like she was ready to burst at the seams. “You found something out,” he stated. His heart skipped a beat, she wasn’t acting upset. That had to be a good sign. “How bad is it?”

“Bad,” she grinned, “red roses, on your knees, groveling. The whole cheesy shebang, bad.” 

Simon groaned into his hands, “I’m such an idiot.” He glanced over his fingers to a smiling Lilette, “How did you figure it out?”

Lilette shrugged, “I invited him and his new boyfriend to the party this weekend.”

Simon dropped his hands, sputtering, “You-you did what?” 

“I invited his new boyfriend to the party,” she said slowly, “only to find out that he doesn’t have a new boyfriend…or any boyfriend.”

“You just asked him,” he asked, “just like that?”

“I may have insinuated that there was a rumor about him and some guy,” she said smugly, “worked like a charm. No boyfriend and he said he was coming to the party alone.”

“What,” he whispered harshly. At her look of confusion he continued, “you can’t just go around spreading fake rumors.”

“Calm down,” Lilette tried to sooth him, “I didn’t say it to anyone else or with anyone else around.”

“That isn’t the point, Lilette, now he thinks people are going around talking crap about him.” Simon tried to keep his voice calm, he knew she was only trying to help but she royally screwed up.

“I’m sorry,” she said meekly, “I didn’t think anything about it.” She placed a reassuring hand over his, “Don’t worry, I’ll figure out a way to fix it.”

“Don’t,” he said a little to harshly. When she flinched back from him he sighed deeply, “It’s not your fault. I never should’ve jumped to conclusions so quickly or lashed out at him.” Simon looked over at his best friend, resolve settling over him, “I need to be the one to fix this.”

\------

Maashous watched as Jeremy and Simon’s scene fell apart, wincing. They had once been the only working part of the show, completely in sync. Now Simon was awkward and nervous, singing stiffly while standing twenty feet away from his partner. Jeremy on the other hand was deadpanning every line and as much as he wanted to laugh at that, he knew it was because of how much he was hurting. Jeremy was such a gentle soul, he deserved to be happy. 

His gaze was repeatedly drawn to Anabelle, she stood off to the side as she watched the boys struggled through their part. Maashous couldn’t help but notice how smug she looked, her eyes lighting up as Simon tried to reach out for Jeremy and Jeremy turning away from him. 

He couldn’t help but feel at least a little sorry for Simon, even Maashous could see how his eyes where pleading with Jeremy to look at him. Something he was sure Anabelle could also see from her place on the stage.

When it was finally over, he could hear Mr. Mazzu sighing before he dismissed the boy. He watched as Jeremy stood quickly and walked off the stage and back towards the green room. Simon standing slowly, his eyes following the other boy, before following after him.

Maashous’ eyes flicked back to Anabelle who was now frowning after Simon. When she turned to follow after him Mr. Mazzu called after her, “Anabelle, give them a moment to talk, please. They need work their scene out.” She nodded reluctantly before taking her place back on stage.

Maashous watched Anabelle for a few more moments, her gaze constantly turning in the direction Simon and Jeremy had gone. The way she was acting all but confirmed his assumptions that she knew that something was going on between the two boys. The question now was, has she done anything to try and destroy their budding romance? Maybe she was the one spreading rumors about Jeremy having a boyfriend. 

Maashous still had a lot of questions about what was really going on and as his eyes settled on Lilette, he thought he may have found a way to get a few answers.

\------

Simon stood in the doorway to the green room, unsure, as he studied the boy slumped on the sofa, head in his hands. “Jeremy,” he said quietly.

Jeremy’s head jerked up, swinging his gaze to him. Simon felt his stomach drop at the sight in front of him. Jeremy’s eyes were red and he gave a little sniffle. Even while crying Jeremy was the most beautiful sight Simon had ever seen.

“What,” Jeremy muttered, turning away from the boy standing in front of him. 

“Are you okay,” he couldn’t help asking. He had to restrain himself from reaching out to him. If rehearsals taught him anything, it was that his touch wasn’t welcome right now.

“What do you care,” Jeremy scoffed.

Simon winced, “Yeah I deserve that. I just…can we talk for a minute?”

Jeremy looked over at him briefly before muttering, “I think we’ve said everything that needs to be said.”

Simon swallowed hard, he wasn’t sure how to go about this, what to say. Maybe Lilette had been right and he should have brought flowers. Instead he knelled down on one knee in front of the other boy, “Look, I-I deserve that too. If we could just talk for a minute…please.” Simon tilted his head, trying to catch Jeremy’s eyes, “I want to apologize…”

“Apologize,” Jeremy scoffed. “For what,” he asked, his voice growing harsher, “the looks? For flirting with me? How about kissing me in the parking lot or is it dating Anabelle?” Simon couldn’t help but flinch at Jeremy’s tone, but he deserved every word. “Oh, is it because you called me in the middle of the night? Me,” he said, driving his thumb hard in to his chest as if to emphasize his point. “And stayed up on the phone laughing into the night? Or was it when you stood in this very room and told me that I’m crazy,” he asked, voice now horse with anger. “That-that everything I thought was going on between us, was just some big misunderstanding?” Simon winced, he knew he had gone to far when he had said Jeremy was confused. “How about making me fall for you, hmm? Is that what your sorry for,” he rasped.

Simon looked at the beautiful boy sitting in front of him, shaking and angry, and finally realized he had a lot more to make up for than he was first willing to admit. He reached out a tentative hand to Jeremy’s hand, “All of it…Jeremy, I’m so sorry-”

“No!” Jeremy jerked his hand back quickly and stood, moving away from Simon. “No, I-I cant. Not right now,” he said, running a hand roughly through his hair.

Simon swallowed the smile that was tugging at his lips as he looked at the other boy with his hair sticking out on one side. Even when he was furious Jeremy was the most adorable person Simon had ever seen. “Please, Jeremy, I just want to-”

“No,” Jeremy cut him off again, shaking his head vigorously. “You cant just say ‘sorry’ and expect me to just let it go. Don’t you get it?”

“I’m trying to,” Simon said slowly. He had his hands up in surrender, like he was trying not to scare off the boy in front of him.

“I don’t sleep,” he chocked out. Simon froze, staring at Jeremy, who was crying again. Tears streaming unashamedly down his cheeks, “You’re all I think about. Every second of every freaking day. I-I cant get you out of my head!” Jeremy threw his hands up in the air in defeat, turning to leave before he stopped, turning back to Simon, “I just want to be near you all the time but whenever I am I’m a complete mess. My nerves are shot, I feel like I’m constantly walking on egg shells.” Jeremy took a deep breath, collecting himself, “It’s just to much. I cant do this right now.”

Simon watched, in what felt suspiciously like despair, as Jeremy turned from him to leave. Collapsing on the sofa behind him, he hid his face in his hands trying to muffle the sounds of his own sobbing. Although he couldn’t stop the broken “Jeremy” from being wrenched from his throat. 

He’d screwed up more than he realized and he didn’t know how to fix it. Simon had never hated himself more than when he had to watch the boy he felt so much for, fall apart in front of him and knowing it was all his own fault. He needed to make things right, no matter what. He’d try again, be honest and tell him the truth. Jeremy deserved at least that much. 

He just hoped he wasn’t too late and had lost Jeremy forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> right, ill just go to my time out corner now...


	10. Two Steps Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maashous and Lilette form Team Siremy and Simon finally catches up to Anabelle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fair warning i wrote a lot of this around 3 am and haven't bother to re-read it or proof or anything cuz im being lazy.

Maashous stared intently at the back of Lilette’s head, willing her to turn in his direction. He knew what he was doing was a little on the creepy side but he’d been trying to subtly get her attention for awhile now. 

She seemed to finally feel his eyes on her and looked over her shoulder in his direction. He caught her eye and subtly jerk his head, beckoning her over. She raised an eyebrow at him before nodding and making her way over to him.

“You’ve been staring at me,” she said as soon as she was in earshot. 

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t want to shout across the auditorium,” he explained with a shrug.

Lilette folded her arms across her chest and frowned, “What did you want?”

Maashous didn’t know how long they would be left alone so he decide to get right to the point, “Jeremy and Simon’s scene is garbage.”

This surprised a bark of laughter from her, “yeah, I don’t know what’s up with that.”

“Are you sure about that,” he watched her carefully as she tensed up.

“What’s that supposed to mean,” Lilette asked defensively.

“Just that Simon is your best friend,” Maashous shrugged, “I just figured if anyone would know what was going on with him it would be you. We don’t have long till opening night…”

“Jeremy is the one not putting any effort into his lines and freezing his partner out on stage,” she interrupted, “you cant put this all on Simon.”

“That was nothing Simon didn’t already deserve,” he stated firmly, “and you know it.”

Lilette stood with her mouth gaping and arms falling loosely to her sides, “Excuse me?”

“Jeremy and I are friends,” he said, “he’s filled me in on everything that’s been going on.”

“And what’s been going on,” she asked, skeptical.

Maashous raised an eyebrow at her, “I think you’ve forgotten that I was there this morning when you asked Jeremy about his new boyfriend, John.”

Lilette stood silent for a moment, studying him. She must have found what she was looking for because she let out a deep sigh, “Look, I get it but I promised Simon I would keep my mouth shut.”

Maashous nodded, “I understand but I already know what’s going on thanks to Jeremy.” He paused a moment, thinking over his next words, “I just want to help them.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” she admitted, “that’s what I was trying to do this morning but I think I just made things worse.”

“Why do you think that?”

Lilette huffed a small laugh, “because Simon is pissed at me. I may have insinuated there was a rumor about Jeremy having a boyfriend.” 

“Ah, Jeremy did say someone must have seen him in the hall with John.”

She grimaced, “yeah, that was Simon. He was a complete mess over it.”

“Simon was jealous,” he asked curiously.

“You could say that,” she snorted, “ he dropped that guy face first in the dirt over it. Not that I condone violence or bullying or anything. Simon was really upset about what he did. I’ve known him most of my life and never saw him hurt a fly.”

“Huh,” Maashous said, filing that information away for later. He thought for a moment, trying to get all the info he had gathered so far in order, “so, according to my timeline, Simon saw Jeremy in the hall with a boy before Simon railed against Jeremy.”

Lilette nodded once, “he was lashing out. Simon saw them exchanging numbers and flirting. He thought Jeremy may have been jerking him around. He realized pretty quickly that he had made a mistake and was taking his jealously out on him.”

“Well John did as Jeremy out...”

“What? When was this? Today? Because Jeremy said he wasn’t dating the guy.”

“No, it was the other day. Jeremy turned him down. He’s not the type of guy to date someone when he has feelings for someone else,” he said pointedly.

She let out a deep sigh, “yeah, Simon needs to work on that.”

Maashous shook his head disappointed, “he still hasn’t broken up with Anabelle.”

“Not yet. He said he was going to corner her today. She’s been,” she paused a moment, looking for the right word, “elusive.”

“Probably because she knows.”

Lilette glanced out at the stage at the girl in question, “you really think she knows?”

“I’m about ninety percent sure.”

She swung her gaze back to him, “how are you that sure?”

“Jeremy said she confronted him the other day. Started talking about how she and Simon where having sex-”

“Wait, what? They have not been having sex,” Lilette said vehemently, “Simon would have told me.”

“Yeah, I didn’t buy it when Jeremy told me that they were sleeping together at the steel mill. I was there, nothing like that happened. We all just drank some beers and almost got busted by the cops.”

“I didn’t think she was capable of lying to someone like that,” Lilette muttered, mostly to herself.

“Guess that’s what happens when you realize your boyfriend has a crush on someone else.”

Lilette sighed, “this is such a huge mess.”

Maashous nodded in agreement, “we could always work together. Help them out.”

At that moment Jeremy walked back in to the auditorium with his head down. Maashous and Lilette watched as he walked over to Mr. Mazzu for a moment, speaking quietly. Mr. Mazzu seemed to reluctantly agree to whatever Jeremy was asking him. They watched as Jeremy turned, grabbed up his backpack, and walked quickly towards the back of the auditorium. He kept his head down and didn’t speak to anyone as he left.

Lilette and Maashous shared a look, “yeah, I’d say they need our help.”

“They’re kind of a mess,” Maashous agreed.

\------

Simon had never been more grateful than when rehearsals had finally ended. It had taken him a solid ten minutes in the greenroom alone to get himself together, only to find out from a very concerned Lilette that Jeremy had run out of rehearsals early. He promised to fill her in on what had happened later.

He tried his best to be involved in the scenes going on around him but his heart just wasn’t in it, instead it was with a blue eyed, blonde haired, angry angel across town. Or wherever Jeremy Travers had ran off to.

“Okay guys great rehearsal,” Mr. Mazzu’s voice cut through his thoughts, “see you tomorrow. Goodnight and drive home safe.”

Simon flew down the stairs and towards the chair with his backpack. He couldn’t wait to get outside and get some fresh air. He needed to clear his head and think about what to do next. He had a lot to make up for to Jeremy, he just wasn’t sure how to do it. This whole situation was a completely new experience for him and he felt like he was walking around with a blindfold on while being in the dark and possibly stumbling around in a closet. He just needed to find a light and Simon couldn’t help but think that Jeremy’s smile was pure sunshine. Simon couldn’t help cracking a small smile at his own musings, he was a little cheesy.

He caught a flash of red hair out of the corner of his eye, pulling his attention away from one problem and on to another. He promised himself that he would end things with Anabelle today even if he had to chase her all the way back to her house. He had wanted to do it face to face but every time he thought he would have a moment alone with her, she would find some way to slip away. He hoped that all of her avoidance was because she wanted to break up with him and wasn’t sure how to go about it. With any luck they could both be happy and free of each other in the next few minutes. 

“Anabelle,” he called after her, “Hey, I was hoping we could talk.”

She slowed down to allow him to catch up, shooting an unreadable look his way. “Hey, yeah I actually have to get home. We don’t usually get out of rehearsals this early. Looks like I can make it home in time for dinner with my folks.”

It seemed she was just as nervous as he was if her rambling was anything to go by, “Y-yeah, I get it but this wont take long. I mean, we really need to talk about all this.” 

Anabelle eyed him suspiciously, “I don’t know what you mean…”

“You’ve been dodging me,” he sighed, “I’ve been avoiding you. I think we both want the same thing here.”

“And what would that be Simon,” she asked, quietly. 

She was looking everywhere but at him and he felt a stab of guilt. He had been hoping she would take the hint and break up with him first, let her save face. Looked like it wouldn’t be that easy, “Break up?”

Anabelle’s eyes clashed with his, wet and angry, “You’re breaking up with me?”

“Isn’t that what you want,” he asked.

“Now what gave you that idea,” she scoffed.

“Well, you have been avoiding me for the last few days…”

“Because you’ve been trying to break up with me,” she said a little hysterical. She was starting to get worked up, he breaths coming quicker.

“Oh,” he said dumbly. He had completely misread the situation. He wanted to groan in frustration, at himself. It seemed he was terrible at break ups. “I-I’m sorry, Annabelle,” he started to reach a hand out to her, “it’s not you, really. His was all my fault.”

Anabelle let out a disbelieving laugh, “Its not you, its me. Seriously? That’s the best you’ve got?”

Simon winced, that had been an awful choice of words but he just wasn’t ready to share his real reasons why. He did however owe her as much honestly that he was able to give, “I’m sorry, that was lame. I just…shouldn’t have asked you out. I was going through some stuff and I made a mistake.” He tried catching her eyes, his begging her to understand, “it has nothing to do with you. You’re amazing, the perfect girlfriend,” a bark of humorless laughter escaped her, “I-I’m just not in the right place right now to have a girlfriend.” 

He watched as a tear rolled down her cheek, she swiped angrily at it. “Oh, but you’re in the right place for a boyfriend,” she spat at him. 

Simon flinched back as if he had been struck, he breathe freezing in his lungs, “W-what are you talking about?”

“Do you really think I’m that stupid?”

He could feel the panic starting to set it, no way she could know the truth about him. He was just starting to figure it out himself, “I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Jeremy,” the one word dripping from her mouth like venom.

“Leave Jeremy out of this, this has nothing to do with him,” he said firmly. Sure, that was a complete lie but no way was Simon going to drag him into his breakup drama. Simon had already done enough damage there, Jeremy didn’t deserve grief for this too. 

Anabelle laughed at that, “It has everything to do with him, we were fine until he came along.”

“He was my scene partner before I asked you out,” he reminded her, “this isn’t about him.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” she said angrily, “you asked me out. I was the one you where supposed to be dating. Instead you’ve done nothing but make moon eyes at Jeremy. I’m not stupid, Simon, I have eyes. You where supposed to be falling for me not...not some home-wrecker!”

Simon’s heart speed up, his blood boiling, anger infusing every part of his body. He stepped up close to her and said in a low harsh voice, “Don’t you ever, ever call him that again. Jeremy is nothing but goodness and light and happiness.He doesn’t deserve to be dragged through the mud like that. Everything that’s gone wrong his my fault, not his.” he took a deep breathe, trying to calm himself, “This was never going to work out-”

“Then why did you ask me out,” she cried, “If you where so in love with him, why go out with me? You where my boyfriend. You where supposed to be mine!”

“I only asked you out because I was scared, okay,” he blurted, words falling out of his mouth that he knew he wouldn’t be able to take back, “he asked me to hang out, t-to study with him and I said yes. I was so scared and excited. I was happy, I wanted to spend time with him. And then he smiled at me from across the stage and all I felt was terrified. A-and you where sitting there next to me, nice, sweet, female and I already knew you liked me. Everything I should want.” Simon let out a deep sign, the anger draining from him as the truth spilled out, “I panicked and asked you out so that I could cancel on him.” 

Anabelle swallowed thickly, she was breathing heavily and a little pale, but she didn’t look like she was ready to take off his head anymore, “I…I have to go.”

“Anabelle-”

“What do you want me to say, Simon, that I understand? Because I do. I get it but I was the one that got used because you where scared of your own feelings. I would’ve been happy just being friends with you but now everything is messed up. I really liked you and I didn’t deserve this.”

“You’re right,” he agreed, “you deserve the world, Anabelle. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you but that isn’t an excuse. I just hope I can make it up to you someday.”

Anabelle nodded, “I really need to go this time. I need to be alone.”

“Yeah, yeah sure,” he took a step back from her, putting some space between them “I’ll see you around, I guess?”

“Yeah, see you around.”

Simon watched as Anabelle walked to her car and drove off, he was filled with a torrent of emotions. He didn’t like to see her hurting like this but there wasn’t anything he could do about it since he was the cause of it. He was worried that she might reveal exactly what they had said to each other. He had practical, almost completely, came out to her. And it wasn’t as scary as he had thought it’d be, though it was done in the heat of the moment so that might have helped.

He also couldn’t help the spark of hope he felt. He had managed to finally break up with Anabelle as well as being open and honest about it with her and himself. That seemed like a pretty big step in the right direction. Now if he could just figure out how to do that with the one person he actually wanted to be with.

\------

“So that’s what happened.”

“Simon, I’m so proud of you,” Lilette said over the phone, “you did the right thing. Anabelle will need some time but I think she’ll eventually come around.”

“Yeah, I hope so,” Simon fidgeted nervously in his seat before asking what he had really wanted to talk about, “what do you think about Jeremy? I mean he’s pretty upset with me right now…”

“Hmm, yeah he is,” she paused for a moment before adding, “but I think he’s so upset because he cares so much. He really likes you, Simon, I just know it.”

Simon let out a groan as he threw his head back against the cars headrest, “How do you even begin to apologize for all the crap I’ve put him through?”

Lilette gave a little giggle, “Well, I did tell you that you should get on your knees with a big bouquet of red roses and grovel like your love life depended on it.”

“But…he’s a guy,” Simon said, ending in more of a question than statement.

“Some guys like getting flowers too,” she said easily, “I mean think about how you would feel if Jeremy gave you some.”

Simon thought about it for a moment, getting lost in his imagination. Jeremy walking up to him with a shy smile on his sweet face, flowers in hand as he offered them to Simon. He felt a blush creep up his neck and his chest expand with pleasure. He’d never considered ever being gifted with flowers before, much less giving them to a boy. But he was desperate to pin the other boy down long enough to talk to him, maybe flowers would help soften him up enough for Jeremy to at least listen to him.

“Are you still there,” Lilette asked, amusement clear in her voice.

“Uh, yeah. Just thinking.”

“And,” she asked, drawing out the ‘n’.

“Flowers it is,” he said, quickly pulling the phone from his ear when he heard her squealing in the background, “ouch.”

“Who knew you where so romantic,” she sounded happy, “Oh! I know, you should totally go to the florist before they close. Order them now and have them delivered to his house! I don’t think he would be expecting that.”

“I, uh, don’t have his address.”

“Don’t worry. Leave it to me, I’ll get it and text it to you,” she said smugly.

“Wait, how are you going to do that,” he asked. “If you ask him then you’ll ruin the surprise.”

“I’m not going to ask him, don’t worry,” she assured him. “Okay, I gotta call someone. I’ll talk to you later. Love you and good luck!”

“Love you, too,” he replied to his cell phone. He couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips at how happy she had been for him, even if she did just hang up on him.

Simon pulled up his internet browser and searched for the nearest florist. There wasn’t a lot of choices but there was one near his house that would be open for the next 2 hours. Perfect. He slid his key into the ignition and pulled out of the school parking lot, heading towards what he hoped would be a good idea and not a complete disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so next chapter is going to be a bit different from the norm and hopefully more jeremy pov because he deserves it.


	11. Hidden Messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> simon visits a flower shop and jeremy gets a surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a little different from the norm. ive been wanting to write a flower shop au for awhile now but im also lazy so i decided to try and squeeze it in here. hopefully it fits without being too out of place. 
> 
> also my chapters appear to be getting longer and longer. sorry about that.

The melodic tinkling of the bell over to door seemed to startle a curse out of whoever was in the back of the shop with the sound of something crashing to the floor, “Shit, sorry. One minute.”

“Uh, take your time,” he replied as he took in his surroundings. Beautiful, vibrant blooms in every color imaginable covered every available surface. A sweet floral scent hung heavy in the air and Simon took an involuntary deep breath. The shop as a whole was kind of a mess with no real set rhyme or reason to how the flowers where organized. Simon smiled to himself, it looked more like the little shop had imploded but at the same time it was inviting and homey.

The sound of the shop owner stumbling out of the back room had Simon tearing his gaze from a cluster of yellow tulips next to him, his hand outstretched to touch the soft looking petals. “Sunshine,” she said indicating the flowers. 

“Sorry?”

“Yellow tulips,” she said with a warm smile, “they mean ‘sunshine in your smile’. How may I help you?”

Simon looked back at the beautiful yellow blooms, he couldn’t help but imagine Jeremy’s sunny smile. “I didn’t realize flowers had any real meaning other than red roses for love and carnations for Mother’s Day,” he admitted a bit sheepishly.

The owner walked over to him and gently ran a finger over the tulips, “Flowers have their own language, in a range of emotions. Every bouquet has its own unique hidden message.” She looked over at him and winked, “You just have to know how to read them.”

Simon looked around the shop again, taking in all of the different flowers. It was a little overwhelming thinking that every flower meant something different. What if he picked the wrong ones, sent the wrong message? 

She seemed to understand his hesitation, “Don’t worry, that’s why I’m here. Do you have an idea of what your looking for?”

“How do you tell someone that you want to be honest with them? That you screwed up and your sorry,” he said quietly, “That they are the most amazing person that you’ve ever met and you want to get to know them better?” 

She hummed thoughtfully, “Have a seat at the counter. I’ll bring some options over and we can figure out how to say all of that.”

Simon let out a breath of relief and nodded, heading over to the designated seat. He watched as she twirled around the shop picking out an array of flowers in various colors, muttering to herself as she flitted from one bloom to the next.

“If you feel comfortable about it,” she said suddenly, “you could tell me a little bit about you and the recipient. It would help narrow down some of the choices.”

Simon’s eyes instantly found the yellow tulips again, a blush creeping up his neck as he was reminded of Jeremy’s smile. “Uh, we had a fight, I guess,” he said a little hesitantly, “I’ve been dealing with a lot of stuff at once and I took it out on him.”

Simon froze his eyes opening wide. Did he really just say ‘him’? He glanced over at at the owner, either she didn’t hear his slip or she just didn’t think anything of it. He let a breath he was holding and tried to relax.

“We all get a little overwhelmed sometimes,” she said in understanding as she picked out another flower and returned two others.

That was an understatement, Simon thought. He was sure how much he should divulge about him and Jeremy. She didn’t seem to mind that he was talking about a guy and that made him feel strangely safe. It was easier to be honest with a stranger, its not like she could go running to his parents.

“He asked me once to be honest with him,” Simon said quietly, “I was too scared at the time to do that.”

She tilted her head, studying him, “So this isn’t a declaration of your undying love but more of an expression of intentions?”

Simon’s flush deepened, he didn’t expect to be having such a personal conversation when he had first walked in. He looked down at his hands, worrying the hem of his sleeve, “Yeah, I guess so.”

The owner looked at the blooms in her hand before returning a few red ones and picking out a pretty blueish-purple stem. “I think these here will send to message your looking for,” she said as she rounded the counter and laid out her offerings for him to see.

“I recognize a few of these I think,” he said pointing at each flower in turn, “daisy, carnation, fern, daffodil. And I think that’s lavender.”

“Pretty good,” she pointed at the last flower he named, “that is actually blue salvia or sage. It means ‘I think of you’.”

Simon smiled at that, he thought of Jeremy constantly, “What do the rest mean?”

“Well,” she said holding up a big beautiful purple-blue bloom, “this is an Iris. I was thinking to use a few of these through out. It means ‘A message’. Subtle, I know.” She placed the flower off to the side and pointed at the carnation, “Red means ‘my heart aches and admiration’, not a love confession but kind of leading up to it.”

Simon nodded and blushed, that was a pretty bold statement. “What about these,” he asked, pointing at the white daisies.

“Ah,” she said as she picked up two different stems, “these look pretty similar. This one here is a daisy, ‘Innocence and hope’. And this one here is actually chamomile. It means ‘patience’.”

Simon was drawn to a stem with clusters of small white flowers, the sweet scent tickling his nose. He picked it up and inhaled deeply. 

“Valerian,” she said, “it would make a good filler, instead of using baby’s breath. It means ‘Readiness’.” She picked up the fern leaf, “It would pair really well with the fern for ‘sincerity’.”

“And the daffodil,” he asked her. 

“Regard,” she replied, “so what do you think?’

Simon studied the flowers in front of him, he couldn’t believe how well she was able to capture his feelings in just a few short minutes, “Yeah, I, uh, like them all.” He pointed at the carnation, valerian, and salvia, blushing, “especially these.”

“I think this is going to be a stunning bouquet,” she assured him as she came back from around the counter, “let me just grab what all we need and I should have it ready in just a few minutes.” 

She went over to the carnations then looked back at him, “How big where you thinking?”

Simon wasn’t sure how sizes worked for flowers so he held his hands up together then traced an invisible circle with his hands meeting again at the bottom, “Around this size. Is that a good size?”

The owner grinned at him, “Its a good size. He wont know what hit ‘em.” She turned back to the flowers in front of her and pulled out several handfuls before moving on to the Irises. Simon looked back at the counter at the flowers he had picked out, trying to imagine how they would come together as an arrangement.

“Okay,” the owner said happily as she laid out the flowers in her arms on the counter, “now I just got to put everything together and you’ll be good to go.” She pulled out a large vase from underneath the counter. “So I was thinking that the carnations would be the base of the bouquet,” she said as she loaded up the vase with the bright red flowers. 

Simon watched as she picked up the daisies and chamomile, checking the length of the stems and snipping a few of them down to a size she seemed happy with, “Next these little beauties. Not to many though so we don’t overwhelm the colors.”

Simon nodded along as if he understood what she meant, “It’s looking really good.”

She laughed as she picked up a handful of salvia, “Don’t worry, it’ll come together in a moment.” She gently tucked the blue-purple blooms into the bouquet, leaving half of the blooms on each stem protruding from the carnations. The effect was lovely.

“And now for the irises and daffodils,” she picked up the flowers and inspected them before making a few cuts to shorten some of them. She only had a few of each as the blooms were so large, he figured to many would be overwhelming. “We only need a few,” she confirmed as if she was able to read his thoughts. He watched as she tucked them into the rest of the flowers at different heights.

“Last but not least,” she said as she picked up the ferns and valerian, “these ferns will look amazing around the edges.” She tucked the fern leafs in around the rim as well as a few tucked down low into the rest of the flowers before adding the valerian, filling in any empty looking spaces. “There,” she said happily. 

The arrangement was beautiful, if not traditional. “It looks really great,” he said reaching out to touch one of the carnations.

“Oh, sorry. I’m not completely finished. I need to wrap them up for you.” She moved the vase off to the side and walked over to the wall, cutting a large square of brown paper from the roll attached to the wall. 

“I think he’s really going to love them,” she said as she laid the paper on the counter, “even if he doesn’t know the meaning behind the flowers, the message is still coming across.”

He nodded, he trusted her. Yeah her shop was a crazy mess but she managed to understand exactly what he was trying to say in just a few short sentences.

Simon watched as she laid the vase on its side on top of the brown paper and slipped the vase off of the flowers. She made a few adjustments before wrapping the corners neatly up and tying a strand of twine securely around the outside in an understated but pretty bow. Simon finally understood what she meant, the bouquet was stunning as it laid on its side, the blooms layered and cascading beautifully towards the ferns. “It’s perfect,” he breathed.

The shop owner beamed at him, “I’m so glad you think so.” She reached over and picked up a small card and envelop, “Here, so you can write a note if you’d like.”

Simon took the notecard and picked up a nearby pen. He started down at the blank card wondering what he should say. Should he just leave it blank? He blushed at the thought of just signing it ‘Love, Simon’ but that was a little to forward for him. He glanced back up at the owner, who just smiled at him, “Take your time. Speaking with flowers is a lot easier than saying the same thing with words.” 

He nodded in gratitude and looked back at the card, wracking his brain for the right thing to say. Finally he made a decision and scribbled it down quickly, signing with a simple ‘Simon’. “There,” he said as he tucked the card into the envelope, sealing it and printing Jeremy’s name on the front of it. “Is it to late to have these delivered today?”

“No,” she said kindly, “I always do an evening delivery after the shop is closed up.Do you have an address?”

“Uh, yeah,” Simon said as he pulled out his phone and opened his messages. He slide his phone over the counter towards her as she picked up a pen and order form, writing down the address quickly. She filled out the rest of the info before ringing up his order. 

“Do you mind if I…,” he trailed off, motioning with his camera.

“No, of course not!”

“Thanks. My best friend would have my head if I didn’t send her a picture,” he said with a smile as he took a few pictures of the arrangement. 

He pulled his wallet out and looked back at the bouquet on the counter, he really hoped this worked. A flash of bright yellow caught his eye and he turned his head towards the tulips, “Can you add a tulip to that?”

She followed his line of sight before asking, “Did you want it in the bouquet?”

Simon shook his head, “Uh, no. I just wanted one.”

“Of course,” she said as she added the flower to his order. 

After he paid for his purchase and was given a copy of his order and receipt, he stopped by the tulips picking out a cheery yellow one that had yet to fully bloom. The shop owner assured him that his order would be delivered within the hour and after thanking him for his patronage, wished him good luck. 

Simon hopped into his car and gently laid his flower in the seat next to him. He was nervous and scared, but also excited and happy. He smiled at the flower and gently touched its soft petals. This plan might not work but at least he was trying, and that was more than he’d ever done before. Besides if the flowers didn’t work, he’d just try something else. He wasn’t giving up on Jeremy any time soon.

\------

Jeremy was startled from his homework when he heard the doorbell ringing down the hall. He wasn’t expecting anyone but made his way to the front door to look through the peephole. What he saw left him speechless and confused as he reached for the door knob.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he opened the door, the heady scent of flowers assailed him. Jeremy’s eyes glued to the stunning array of colors in the other persons arms, “you must have the wrong house.”

The woman on his porch adjusted her hold on the bouquet in front of him, catching his attention. She pulled out a piece of paper, reading over it before looking back at him, “Jeremy Travers?”

He stared, stunned. “Yes,” he managed to squeak out.

“Special delivery,” she said kindly as she held out the flowers to him.

Jeremy was still confused, no one would be sending him flowers. He looked around him, down the street, at the woman in front of him. “Is this a joke,” the question slipped from his lips.

She studied him for a moment before shaking her head, “No, I had a customer come in and order this bouquet for a ‘Jeremy Travers’.” She smiled at him, “At this address.” 

She held the flowers out to him again, this time he took them. “Who sent them,” he asked, eyes drawn to the bouquet in his arms. Between the vibrant colors and floral scent he was having a hard time focusing on what she was saying.

“It’s not really our policy to divulge that kind of information,” she said regrettably, “but they did leave a card.” She pointed to a small cream colored envelope nestled in the flowers.

Jeremy swallowed thickly and nodded, someone had sent him flowers. “T-thanks,” he said, giving her a wobbly smile. He was not going to get emotional in front of a stranger just because someone had gone out of their way to buy him flowers. No, sir.

“Of course,” she said, politely ignoring the emotional mess Jeremy was becoming. She reached into her pocket and handed a card to him, “If you have any questions,” she put emphasis on ‘questions’, “you should visit my website.” She gave him a little wink before hopping off the porch and walking to her car. 

Jeremy watched her drive away, staring after the car. He half expected her to turn around and come back, telling him there had been a misunderstanding and rip the flowers from his arms. When the car disappeared around the corner he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding and slowly shut the door.

He walked up the stairs on stilted legs, the scent of flowers trailing him. When he got to his room he sat carefully on his bed and laid the bouquet gently down beside him. He took a few deep breaths trying to calm his racing heart as he reached a shaky hand towards the card. On the front of the envelope was ‘Jeremy’ written in neat cursive, he didn’t recognize the handwriting.

Jeremy’s heart rate increased as he turned the envelope and carefully tore it open, pulling the card out. He screwed his eyes shut before he could read it, terrified of what was written on it. Deep down he knew who they had to be from and that made his heart want to sing. But he was scared out of his wits that this was just a huge, cruel joke. 

He let out a huff, chiding himself. He wouldn’t know unless he looked and he’d have to look eventually. He let out a deep sigh and counting to three, opened his eyes to the card in his hands. It read:

you once asked me to be honest with you  
this is me being honest  
Simon

The breath whooshed from Jeremy’s lungs as he stared at the card in his hands, reading the lines over and over. Simon Saunders sent him flowers. Simon. Saunders. The one who haunted the his dreams at night and consumed his thoughts during the day. The most beautiful person he’d ever seen, with the sweetest smile. Simon who, Jeremy remembered, he was currently mad at. He looked over at his flowers, reaching out a hand to gently touch a large purple bloom. Okay, maybe he was a little less angry at him.

Jeremy stood and placed the card carefully on his desk before turning to gather the bouquet in his arms. He went back downstairs and into the kitchen, laying the flowers on the counter, he looked under the sink for a vase. He pulled out the largest one and filled it part way with water and added a splash of Sprite from the fridge. Returning to the counter he carefully undid the twine bow, opened the brown paper, and lifted the bouquet into the waiting vase. 

He stood in the kitchen for several minutes arranging the flowers neatly around the vase. There was something incredibly soothing about the methodical way he carefully adjusted each stem. Finally he took a step back and eyed the arrangement in front of him. “Perfect,” slipped through his lips on a happy little sigh. He collected his flowers and returned to his room, setting the vase on his desk. 

Picking the card back up he re-read the lines a few more times. “’This is me being honest’,” Jeremy spoke aloud. Simon always left Jeremy with more questions than answers, which reminded him. He turned around searching for the card the woman had given him, finding it on the bed. She said if he had questions he should look on her website and the way she had said it seemed to mean he should check it out.

Jeremy sat down at his desk and fired up his laptop, stroking a red bloom as he waited for his computer to load. He still couldn’t believe that the guy he had the biggest crush on had actually done something so sweet. They had a fight and Simon sent him flowers, he mused, that’s the kind of thing couples do. His mind stuttered to a halt on that thought, he was getting way too ahead of himself. They weren’t a couple and Jeremy was still mad at Simon and…and they still have way to much to talk about before anything else. 

Still a part of him felt real hope for the first time in days. 

The chime of his computer pulled him from his thoughts and he quickly brought up the web browser, typing in the address printed on the card. The site that came up was pretty simple and easy to navigate. 

The first thing that caught his eye was a tab that read: Preserving Your Bouquet. He clicked the link and scanned the page. Glancing at his flowers he already knew that he would do anything to keep them forever. Clinking on the download pdf link, he printed it off for later. 

He clicked back to the home page and scrolled to the bottom before stopping, his breath catching in his throat at the link he saw: ‘The Language of Flowers: Find Out the Hidden Message in Your Bouquet.’ Jeremy leaned back in his chair, letting out a deep breath, he looked at the flowers next to him. ‘This is me being honest.’ Had Simon sent him more than flowers? Was there a secret message too? Jeremy’s heart attempted to beat its way out of his chest as he leaned forward and clicked the link. He pulled out a notebook and pen, spending the next hour going through all of the pictures of flowers looking the ones that matched his.

\------

Jeremy looked over his list again, making sure he had found all of the flowers and meanings. He read them aloud, as if that would make the words real because surly this was just a sweet dream that would ripped from him the moment he woke.

“Iris - A message  
Fern - Sincerity  
Daffodil - Regard  
Daisy - Hope  
Chamomile - Patience  
Blue Salvia - I think of you  
Red Carnation - My heart aches, admiration  
Valerian - Readiness”

Jeremy felt the first tear slip down his cheek, quickly followed by the next, as he re-read the list. Allowing the meanings of each flower to sink deep into his heart. Simon was being honest, with himself and with Jeremy. He knew Simon must have been pretty scared to send such a vulnerable message and he couldn’t help but feel pride for the other boy, even as he melted into an emotion puddle in his chair. Simon was determined to be the end of him, Jeremy was sure. 

Jeremy looked back at his flowers smiling, he knew he would be hard pressed not to drag that vase around with him all day tomorrow. He wanted to show them off, yell from the roof tops that Simon Saunders was sending him his heart in the form of flowers. 

Instead he grabbed the pdf he had printed off earlier and scanned over it. He knew he needed to finish his homework for the night but he had more pressing matters. Jeremy jumped up from his chair, a happy little giggle (he would never own up to) slipping from his lips as he headed back to the kitchen. 

After finding some parchment paper he went back up to his room and pulled out his heaviest school book. He wont be able to show them off for at least a week but he would be able to keep them close by all day when he was at school. 

Jeremy picked up his phone and snapped a couple of pictures before carefully removing one of each flower, checking to make sure the blooms weren't damaged. After he was satisfied with his picks he rummaged around for some scissors, clipping all but 5 inches or so of each stem off. Opening his book near the back, he laid the parchment paper down and set the flowers down neatly on top before folding the paper over them and shutting the book.

Jeremy picked the vase up and moved it over to his nightstand so the flowers would be the last thing he saw before he fell asleep and the first thing he saw when he woke up. He walked back over to the desk and picked up the note before siting on his bed. He read over the words again and wondered if he should call Simon. He wasn’t sure what he would even say. ‘I’m sorry I yelled at you, I love you , marry me?’ Jeremy didn’t want to seem to eager, they had just had a huge fight after all. But it would be rude not to say at least something. 

Decided, Jeremy pulled his phone out and sent a quick text. There, now Simon knew he had received his gift. Everything else would have to wait till later. Moments like this where best left for face to face meetings.

Jeremy got up and readied himself for bed, turned the light out and laid back down. He picked up his note one more time and after reading it again in the moonlight he placed a soft kiss to the printed words before placing it next to the vase.

With the heavy scent of flowers overwhelming his senses he couldn’t help but dream of blooms in yellows, blues, whites, and reds, dark hair and chocolate eyes, and shy smiles with petal soft lips.

\------

Jeremy - I got your message.

Simon stared at his screen and thought about sending a message back but decided against it. Everything else that needed to be said needed to be done in person. 

Sitting his phone down on his nightstand, his eyes caught on the lone flower sitting in a glass in the moonlight. Simon didn’t need a light to know that it was still bright and yellow and cheery and Jeremy. He reached out and stroked the petals before finally falling asleep. He dreamed of soft blonde hair, captivating blue-grey eyes, sunny smiles, and yellow tulips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ps - dear Klance... and you thought it was going to be angst!


End file.
